Craving Bagels

What is it about urinals that make you want to spit in them. Everytime I pull up to drain the lizard I gotta spit in the urinal. Close your eyes and picture it. My work added some urinal cakes so now the bathrooms smell like a restaurant or bar bathroom. A study said if you add a bullseye in a urinal men are better at not spraying everywhere because they aim for it. I think a urinal cake does the same thing. I aim for it and spit on it.

Today is free agent day in the NHL and NBA. So exciting for the Avalanche and Nuggets. Neither one will do much. Not so exciting for the Avalanche and Nuggets. Avalanche needed a goalie and got on. Nuggets need to resign Chris Andersen, looks like they are gonna. I hope both teams do more than that.

Quote Of The Day – “Ah, fuck you all.” – Tiffiny, after her Jeopardy promo video was posted on Facebook.

I currently sit here watching the Tori Spelling show. What.The.Fuck.

Angie’s friend Tiffiny will be on Jeopardy tomorrow. She is my friend too, I suppose, but I wouldn’t get to keep her in a hypothetical divorce. I have been watching the show lately and I thought Tiffiny might be playing against this chick name Tui (pronounced like Too-ee). When Tui smiles, her mouth is basically a circle, the corners of her mouth don’t go up in the corners. And she giggles after every right answer, as if saying, ‘oh my goodness this is so easy!’. But alas, Tui fell to Nina, and we shall see how Tiffiny stacks up (she has not let the outcome slip). Angie says Tiffiny is the female Dan, or I am the male Tiffiny or something. It’s all very confusing.

We go to Mexico in 13 days! The first anniversary trip will be splendid! The Mexican swine flu advisory was lifted awhile ago, but I don’t know if the decapitated drug runner advisory has been lifted.

Quote Of The Day – “Do the Potty Dance!” – Tori Spelling

I always said, you don’t like music if you don’t like Michael Jackson. Thriller is great, Off The Wall is very underrated. Thriller was my 3rd casette. I remember the top 5 I think:

1a. Pat Benatar – Live
1b. The Police – Synchronicity
Got them at the same time for Christmas when I was 7 I think. Shortly thereafter, I got:
3. Thriller – Michael Jackson
4. ZZ Top – Eliminator
5. Ummm, maybe I don’t remember.

I miss walking into Sweets record store and seeing the top 100 albums on the wall and racks of cassettes. The weird thing about the 80’s is all the pop stars were kind of mature. Billy Ocean, Hall & Oates, Huey Lewis & The News, Eddie Money, etc. They all were or seemed older. The exceptions would maybe be Michael Jackson and Madonna, but they still were in their 20’s. There were some youngsters, but I think it holds mostly true. I don’t want anyone throwing Jody Watley in my face. Then the New Kids, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson came, and now pop is all teenagers and youngsters. Too bad, I liked old people pop.

Two Republicans got caught cheating, not a surprise. Ensign and Sanford.
The surprising thing is they cheated with WOMEN! I know, I can’t believe it either. I think it may be a strategy by the party at large to make the public think the ultra conservatives actually like girls. I don’t think it will work, either. Either either either.

The Oscar’s are expanding the Best Picture category from 5 movies to 10. I don’t think there are actually that many movies that are in that class every year. I think it is just to make more money. A good way to do it is to not have a set number, but to maybe allow however many there are that year. Some years are better than others, I would be ok with a different number every year. The logistics may be mindblowing, though.

Quote Of The Day – “I want to rock with you. All night.” – Michael Jackson. This is dedicated to my extra special sweet thang, Angie.

Ever since Little People Big Turd came on TV, midgets have been showing up everywhere. Now there is another midget show on TLC. Little Couple or something. It looks annoying. I think Burger King had a commercial with a midget farmer driving a tractor. They are everywhere and I am annoyed. And now my favorite dining establishment Jack In The Box has incorporated midgets in a new commercial. The song, dance and midgets are always in my head. I am confused as to whether I now like midgets or not.

Here’s my favorite Jim Carrey moment. My brother and I still quote this segment. A lot.

Quote Of The Day – “It’s almost as if he’s wishing that this country would be attacked again in order to make his point.” – CIA Director Leon Panetta speacking about Cock Cheney.

I needed to buy some new polos recently and it was quite the ordeal. The last couple years I bought polos at American Eagle, but the shirts run small for the size, and the sleeves were really short and the torso tight, and generally uncomfortable. They are basically for the kids. So I decided I would check out Eddie Bauer, not quite so kiddie and ok. I first got a large tall, it seemed good in the store but I was wearing shorts. Once at home and in pants I realized they were way too long. Then Angie went and swapped them out for regular larges. They were close but a bit too short. So then I went and got regular extra larges. I think they may be as close as I get. The shoulders and sleeves are pretty good, but the torso is a bit big. I dunno what to do, I have a longish torso, wide shoulders and belly and boobs. I hope trash bags come in style.

Here’s some stuff from the Westword Music Showcase:

The Chaingang of 1974. I wish I would have recorded more of them. I liked the main guy’s enthusiasm.

Still The Chaingang of 1974.

Pirate Signal.

Struck.

Shaw with an astounded Katie.

Matt and Katie discuss the line-up.

I had a big zit on my cheek I wanted to check out, so I took a picture and zoomed on my camera. I’d say 6 out of 10.

DENT. He had a DJ, breakers and a graf artist with him. The 4 elements of hip hop represented.

We walk down the street to another show.

Here’s a close up of Matt. It needs to be seen.

Me, Matt and Katie. I am in my weekend uniform. I think my face sometimes looks shaped like Quagmire’s from Family Guy.

Shaw is ballin’ with tons of free tics.

Photo Atlas.

We saw other bands too, but didn’t record the memory.

Quote Of The Day – “My penis? No, I wouldn’t do that.” – Michael Cera in Esquire.

Look at these dumbass Red Wings fans during/after their Game 7 choke. They are bound to put a smile on your face.

It helps knowing that these fools live in a dying city.

My neck hair grows at a rate faster than my head hair, and I try to take care of it myself. This is called ‘neck swag’. I dunno why, I have just always called it that since the problem began in high school. I used to have a cabinet mirror to help the neck shaving process along, but my new place doesn’t. Consequently, my hairline in the back is crooked. I know this because Angie tells me all the time while laughing. I ask her to help me and straighten it out, but I think it is a little close to ‘back shaving’ for her. It’s not like I have a fur coat back there but there are some strays.

I wish Angie and I had our first dance at our wedding to this song.

Quote Of The Day – “I wish I wasn’t wearing this fucking shirt.” – Peter, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

I wanted Clint Hurdle to get fired forever and he finally did, and the Rockies are killing it. 11 straight wins, including 3 over the Mariners. I know this must have displeased Angie’s grandmother, who watches the Mariners religiously. Last year the Rockies gave away t-shirts with players names and number at many games, fake jersey ones. I got about 4 and wear them every weekend. Angie calls it my weekend uniform. They just fit pretty good and are comfortable.

I went to the Westword Music Showcase on saturday, pretty fun. Lots of local bands and strange people. The bod mod crowd was in full effect, tats, peircings and such. I want sleeve tatoos on each arm of sleeves. Long underwear ones. During a break in the action, I got applause for picking up my order at Arby’s. The lady repeatedly called order 3. My ticket said 450, but the lady said that was the store number. The order number was 183 but she was shortening it. I got the order after she called it out angrily for 5 minutes, everyone applauded and I put my hands in the air like Rocky. I was drunk.

Quote Of The Week – “I don’t know anything about cars.” – Edward Whitacre Jr., GM’s new Chairman.

The wifey leaves tomorrow for a girls trip to Vegas. It will be just me and the cats at the homestead. I instructed Angie to get as many free drinks from the mens as possible and help pad my bottom line. Also, if she is given money to gamble, she needs to say she lost it all no matter the outcome and keep the proceeds. This is because when she lived in Vegas, a guy gave her money to gamble with and it turned into $1800, and she gave it all back to him. She needs to bring that chedda home. While she is away I will spend a night on the town with my brother and his friends, which should help me regain the spirit of youth, and I will go to the Westword Music Showcase and see some live local music. So you can see I will not be all mopey-lonely-home-alone guy. You know who is in charge of me having a good time? Me.

The Hangover was pretty good. Not great, but not bad. Bradley Cooper is best in Wet Hot American Summer. Believe that.

Quote Of The Day – “Paging Doctor Faggot!” – Bradley Cooper, The Hangover

Deciding to brave swine flune, drug lords and chicklets, Angie and I have booked a first anniversary trip to Cancun, Mexico. We had no idea where to go so Angie posted a Facebook message asking for advice. We booked where the first response suggested, Secrets Capri Riviera Cancun. It looks lovely. I have never stayed at a Mexican resort before, this seems like a good starter. And we have a direct flight from Denver, so that is rad. We booked last minute because of my dumb job, but it is all squared away so I am pleased.

I am really behind on movies and I am sad. With moving going on and stuff I just haven’t had time. I am seeing The Hangover tonight with Angie, but I need to do a marathon of Star Trek, Terminator and others. Here is my wish list (more to help me keep track):

The Escapist
Star Trek
The Limits Of Control
Terminator
The Brothers Bloom
Management
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Angels and Demons
Observe and Report
Away We Go
DØD SNØ
Public Enemies
Bruno
500 Days Of Summer
Inglorious Basterds
The Road
Anti Christ
White Ribbon

Not all are out yet, but I am way behind.

I really like the new Eminem album.

I have been reading all of Chuck Palahniuk’s books lately.

Quote Of The Day – “Stupid books take almost as long to read as not-so-stupid books.” – Benjamin Alsup, Esquire Magazine.

This guy was on the Cherry Creek Bike path last week. Do you think he’s an asshole, Dan?