Fark Greenlights
      -There is a fine line between clever and stupid

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From most recent to oldest
845. Evidence suggests humans may have been traveling across vast distances by boat at last ice age, long before men could walk on water and part seas
844. Winning tickets to "American Idol" finale by drinking pork blood soup really takes the sting out of mismanaged car detail prize
843. Idea to structure NBA draft like MLB's draft makes too much sense to consider
842. Jason Blake wants to stay with Maple Leafs, inspired by Mats Sundin's willingness to keep losing
841. With the Rockies struggling, the Matt Holliday sweepstakes may begin earlier than expected
840. Media forced to interview Mets closer who didn't play because everyone else ducked out. They still got what they wanted
839. NFL teams are itching to move to the worst pro-football market in the nation
838. ACLU membership has doubled during Bush presidency
837. Mike D'Antoni's first order of business as the Knicks coach is to try and trade the Knicks roster for the Suns roster
836. Manny Ramirez sets his sights on a gold glove despite being replaced as a defensive liability late in games
835. "Fertilized egg is a person" ballot proposal may mean that doctors can't treat women with cancer, birth control will be banned, and sex with pregnant women may lead to sex with minors charges
834. Ken Griffey, Jr wants out of Cincinnati, will have to get in line
833. Kobe Bryant wins first MVP, settles off the court
832. Pharoah Akhenaten had breasts, wide hips and an egghead. Seems to have gotten a Ra deal after introducing monotheism
831. Man pushes Denver to proactively deal with possible visits from space aliens. Yes, he is single and lives with his parents. The article says so
830. Stripper comes forward to admit that she also boned Kirby Puckett
829. A-Rod takes the blame for stint on DL, thought he would always be a fast healer after he stopped doing whatever he was doing
828. Barry Melrose may coach the Tampa Bay Lightning, needs to mullet over
827. "Spam King" gets 21 months in federal prison, will become "Sausage King"
826. If you allow Jaromir Jagr to get in your face twice, you might be tulip. You just might be
825. George Karl may skip to New York after another Nuggets one and done, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. For Denver at least
824. Denver Broncos acquire defensive lineman with a defective knee who didn't play for Cleveland
823. Jaromir Jagr believes Mario Lemieux was better than Crosby and Malkin despite being a cancer in the locker room
822. Mike Bibby notices Celtics fans are bandwagon jumpers. Playing in the worst sports city in America gives him a good point of reference to know
821. Man sues Bulls mascot for rough high-five. Bulls unsure when a high-five would have been warranted this year
820. Vikings working on deal to acquire Chiefs' franchise player, deciding which half of their team to give up
819. A-Rod left Bobby Abreu hanging after he scored. Tells him to not get upset, that's just how it goes, he don't love them hoes
818. You soon won't have Isiah Thomas to kick around any longer
817. The Colorado Avalanche defeat the Minnesota Goon, 5-1
816. Hockey analyst misspoke when he said 'Crapitals', wants to move on to the next game with the Cryers
815. Notre Dame upsets Michigan and ruins all your brackets, will meet Boston College for the NCAA hockey title
814. Current value of priest groping is $150,000 per grope, further sign the economy is slowing
813. Ron Artest is deciding whether he will stay in Sacramento by reading message boards (2nd item)
812. White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen claims umpires hate him, no one sure why he limited it to only umpires
811. Tonight's game between the Nuggets and Warriors may decide who makes the playoffs and who becomes the first lottery team that is 20 games over .500
810. Keith Richards was McGyver before McGyver when it came to heroin
809. Jamie Lynn Spears 'fiance' pulls gun on photographer, does not squirt him
808. Survey shows NBA MVP race is down to Kobe Bryant and Chris Paul. Those in the east need not apply
807. City worker suspended after asking Hispanic co-workers how much it costs their "people to get across the border these days." Wins appeal based on being Polish
806. Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Doug Davis gets a win two days before cancer surgery
805. Sports choke jobs of such magnitude they warrant their own pages in succession
804. Penguins threw final regular season game to avoid playing Philadelphia in the playoffs, figure if they wait a round the Flyers will be gone
803. Phillies and Mets have a lot of sexual tension between them
802. 60th Annual Conference on World Affairs encourages people to think on everything from torture to hip hop. That's two separate categories
801. Arsenal slipping further into American hands
800. Cardinals are concerned about Matt Leinart getting play off the field, should be concerned about his play on the field
799. Premature list of NCAA Tournament's best moments misses out on chance to commemorate Kansas being eliminated
798. Golden State's win over Dallas creates three-way tie for seventh place in the west with Nuggets
797. Hardball Made Easy - Spoof baseball instructional video with Colorado Rockies' Brad Hawpe
796. Red Wings plan for Darren McCarty's return, will have plenty of booze and credit cards
795. Referees are screwing Kobe Bryant despite his begging, pleading and screams
794. Major League Baseball's 2005 draft is looking so good the top 20 picks get their own page explaining why they are so good
793. Flobots to bring Denver hip hop to the national stage. They have a violinist
792. Denver zoo sets up program to save world's frogs, especially the Lake Titicaca frog. For those that don't know Spanish, "Lake Titicaca" means "Lake Cleveland Steamer"
791. New Hampshire named most livable state. Submitter has never heard of it either
790. Patrick Roy suspended five games for being a supportive father
789. "The Don Cherry Story" to hit Canadian television, got the greenlight over "Neil Young's Dad's Story"
788. 76ers overcome 11 point 4th quarter deficit, beat Celtics
787. Matt Stajan will probably be the next captain of the Maple Leafs, looks forward to going down with the ship
786. NBA teams finally realize there is little talent in Europe, aside from Amsterdam's red light district
785. Bogut. It's Australian for "about to get overpaid"
784. List of candidates to replace Isiah Thomas includes everyone who's name is not Isiah Thomas
783. Japanese wish the Boston Red Sox were playing the Boston Red Sox
782. Major League Lacrosse team in Denver outsells the Nuggets and Avalanche, perhaps the hot tub seating with bikini clad women has helped
781. Colorado facing $700 million budget shortfall. May look to tax cuts and increased war spending to alleviate problem
780. Knicks think clearing cap space in and of itself will lure Lebron James. Fans launch website to lure him with cash
779. NCAA will move back 3-point line, NBA should think about moving it closer
778. Falcons won't miss 'MeAngelo', think he fits in great with the Raiders. And his poems suck
777. Cincinnati has a Pro Bowl wide receiver who believes he is underpaid and wants a new deal. No, the other one
776. Isiah Thomas upset that former boss is talking to what will be his former employer
775. Brewers and Angels engage in battle of who can field the least amount of major league ball players in spring training
774. NHL may face legal action for treating Chris Pronger like a star after treating Chris Simon like a brown star
773. 5,000-year-old bowl is first recorded attempt at animation, slightly better than "Family Guy"
772. Native Americans can be traced to six "founding mothers." Sluts
771. Secret Service agents who detained man for telling Cheney off are changing their story. Not to hide anything, but because Cheney is too lazy to testify
770. True winners of NFL free agency thus far are teams that signed no one
769. NBA's West versus Least quality discrepancy: Denver Nuggets 37-26 and out of the playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers 37-27 and in the fourth seed
768. Kevin Garnett backs Paul Pierce for MVP, Paul Pierce feels the same way
767. Mike Greenwell believes Jose Canseco stole his awards and money by using steroids, throws Matt Nokes and Kevin Seitzer under the bus for good measure
766. 20 best young pitchers in MLB, better than the catchers by rule
765. Colorado Rockies may have too many good players coming down the pipe
764. Offseason speculation about Tom Coughlin's job is a little different this year
763. Packers may turn to Trent Green or Mark Brunell to shore up old-ass quarterback vacancy
762. Tyler Hansbrough is Sports Illustrated's men's college basketball national player of the year. Yes, they already know
761. NFL calls Shanahanigans on report the Broncos taped the Chargers practices
760. Players vote Pat Riley the coach they would least like to play for, cite 'accountability' as main reason
759. 'Ryan Smyth Hat Trick' is completed when a hockey player scores two goals and leaves the ice on a stretcher
758. Fast and the Injurious: Flip Over A Cliff Drift
757. Colorado Rockies may finally be worth hating
756. Veteran Russian hockey players are leaving the NHL for Russian league, despite Rangers ongoing willingness to overpay
755. Newly acquired Marian Hossa pulls his 'disappearing in the playoffs' act a little early on the Penguins
754. List of the five riskiest NFL free agents somehow does not include Randy Moss
753. Denver Nuggets score most single game points in a game this season, trounce Oklahoma City Sonics
752. Detroit Red Wings will offer a flurry of contract extensions, including one taking Chelios thru to adult diapers
751. Left for dead, Colorado Avalanche occupy playoff spot after last second regulation goal and shootout win against the Canucks
750. NFL owners are so dissatified with current labor deal they may opt out, meaning 2011 would become a non-salary capped year
749. Breakdown of five seemingly random but interesting NHL trades since the year since 2000
748. Judge so angered by lawyers he overturns $51 million verdict and orders them to pay legal fees. Not enough sand
747. Just about every respected baseball statistician who has publicized results reveals Derek Jeter is, at best, among the poorest defensive shortstops in the game
746. 'Mike Shanahan Timeout', or calling a timeout just before opponent's field goal snap, expected to remain legal. 'Mike Shanahan Tenure', or keeping your job based on decade old performances, to continue as well
745. Founder of Denver Broncos, architect of 1970's Big Red Machine dies at 89
744. Wal-mart cashier tells veiled Muslim woman, 'Please don't stick me up'. It ended well
743. Fraternity pledges re-enact "Evil Dead" in motel room despite the absence of hazing and baby oil
742. Avery Johnson has been campaigning to have Dirk Nowitzki traded after continual playoff chokes
741. Advocates insist introducing wolves into national park will help curb elk population, especially if outfitted in sheep's clothing
740. Christian impersonators in Colorado Springs warned of police impersonators in Colorado Springs. Toss up on who the Scary tag is for
739. Sixteen out of sixteen LA Kings fans agree: Rob Blake should go away
738. Nuggets and Knicks may trade more than punches
737. Weather prognosticators can't figure out why snow keeps falling, but the usual suspects are being mentioned: Global warming and steroids
736. Utah State Senator compares funding bill to a black baby, calling it "a dark, ugly thing." Says he didn't mean to sound racist, has a lot of black baby friends
735. Bats could fly before they developed radar, unknown how they overcame walls
734. Knicks have some swampland in Florida they would like to sell you
733. Greg Maddux will pitch at least one more year, then may be old enough to play for the Mighty Ducks
732. Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton fight over whose singing career Timbaland will resurrect. Yes, they each believe they had a functioning singing career
731. NFL Pro Bowl going the way of the NHL All-Star Game: Endangered
730. Peter Forsberg needs one more week before setting a timetable on when he will decide his time frame for deciding if he will come back. Then he will decide on the team after deciding on the timetable for deciding on which team he will sign with
729. Carmelo moves his record against Lebron to 8-2. But but but Nuggets
728. Crocs sued for delivering delicious toes to alligator-like escalators
727. It took woman four years and $8,000 to pay off $500 she borrowed from a payday lender, learns lesson in personal responsibilty. Or not
726. Shaquille O'Neal reminded that he said Steve Nash's MVPs were tainted: "No, I never said that. Did I? If I said that, delete it from the files." (Second item)
725. Teams feel Colon is unremarkable
724. NBA title chances of the crowded Western Conference: Suns are basically in the same place as before the Shaq trade
723. David Beckham wants to "win something" this year with the Galaxy. May try to be the 1,000th person thru the gate
722. JJ Redick won't play or be traded this season, will suck
721. Teemu Selanne latest old ass player to rejoin the Ducks
720. Haley Joel Osment's eight year streak of picking Super Bowl winners has ended, says he sees chokers
719. Top-ranked high school running back signs with Colorado, where his uncle is a sophomore
718. 67.5% of Coloradoans would not vote for John Elway if he ran for President, those who have followed George W. Bush know why
717. Snowfall in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho hits record 10 feet, 7 inches. For those who don't speak french, Coeur d'Alene means 'The Niña'
716. Bill Belichick wasn't being a big baby when he left the field early, he was being a confused baby
715. Denver Broncos won more games in a three year span than anyone plus back to back titles, but they are from Denver
714. At behest of fifth graders, Colorado to name state reptile. "Tom Tancredo" is first choice
713. Devean George would rather play for a loser to increase his next contract than stay with a contender. Perhaps Latrell Sprewell rubbed off on him
712. Colorado lawmaker submits, "Wouldn't this be real nice inside of you?" as best pickup line with requisite pulling out of junk
711. Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester keeps surviving things that rhyme with 'umor'
710. Large crowd gathering in Denver for a shot at Obama speech
709. Red Wings throw Darren McCarty sympathy bone
708. Olli Jokinen questioned about possible drug ring ties, and not because he wants to stay with the Panthers
707. Damon Stoudamire will give the Spurs the old 'I just got bought out so I'll piggyback on the team that's going to win the finals' discount
706. Jason Kidd is going back to Dallas, Dallas, Dallas, Jason Kidd is going back to Dallas, Dallas, Dallas. For Josh Howard? I don't think so
705. Colorado Rockies to sign Scott Podsednick two years too late
704. NY Giants can look to the 1997 Denver Broncos for inspiration, EAS supplements
703. It isn't fair to ask the NHL All-Star Game to compete with the Poultry Expo, they are completely different levels of entertainment
702. Ben Roethlisberger wants a tall receiver, Hines Ward feels insecure and lashes out. And these are the offseasons of our lives
701. L.A. Kings may hold fire sale that will not endanger any mansions
700. The nugget didn't fall far from the trunk: George Karl to become third NBA coach to face his son in a game
699. Colorado Rockies will give Troy Tulowitzki the largest contract ever given to a player with less than 2 years experience and 15 World Series strikeouts
698. Andy Pettitte never liked Roger Clemens anyway
697. Jose Theodore appears close to regaining his pre-Paris Hilton 5-hole days
696. Rockies set up two-year deal that will allow them to trade Matt Holliday without having to swallow his contract
695. Linas Kleiza dumps 41 points on the Utah Jazz before returning to janitorial duties
694. Nevadans feel a certain level of harassment when outsiders mispronounce the state's name, irregardless of whether it's on purpose or not
693. Lebron James doesn't really think getting caught doing 101 mph is a big deal. Besides, he enjoys racing David Wesley
692. Maple Leafs may turn to former Phoenix Coyotes exec to turn things around. That sounds about right
691. See this juice box? You can put your weed in it
690. La Niña to help drought conditions in Idaho. For those of you who do not speak Spanish, "La Niña" means "The Niña"
689. Dany Heatley to be sidelined 6 weeks after on-ice crash. The distinction is important
688. Tumor removed from Nene, unclear if it was nugget-related
687. CU mascot dressed up as gangbanger, mistake resulted in invitation to football recruiting party
686. Peter Forsberg update: There is an update
685. Alonzo Mourning is not retired, no matter what his interview on the Heat's website that was pulled says
684. Shoshone indians want possession of ancestor's graveyard, will suck people through televisions if necessary
683. Slowing down to stare at traffic accidents can really irritate other drivers you hold up and the police officers you run over
682. Blackhawks coach Denis Savard 'knows' they will be winning a Stanley Cup
681. Red Sox to re-sign Doug Mirabelli to catch Tim Wakefield's knucklers, but he isn't making out hand over fist
680. After going 13-3 with the No. 1 NFC seed, Wade Phillips finds himself explaining why he should keep his job. Bum deal
679. FBI has found that World Series ticketing system, like the Rockies, suffered from no offense
678. Teemu Selanne hasn't retired because he might piggyback the Ducks to another Cup
677. James Dobson is happy with Huckabee's win, which should tell you all you need to know
676. Curt Schilling may want to offer a reason why he was 52-52 at age 30, only to go 164-94 in the next decade. Teammates Dykstra and Incaviglia from the Mitchell Report may know (About halfway down the page)
675. Avalanche's Ryan Smyth out for eight weeks with fractured Forsberg
674. Liam Gallagher to front "supergroup," perhaps one bigger than the Beatles
673. Today's "Nobody likes the Patriots" article
672. Final NFL power rankings, like anything past No. 2 matters
671. Only thing that is certain in Chargers-Titans re-match is LaDainian Tomlinson's feelings will get hurt
670. Daniel Radcliffe will portray stoned war photographer
669. Atlanta Falcons will try to fit Michael Vick in between rounds of golf
668. Ozzy Osbourne struggles to write autobiography. A for effort, though
667. Baseball Hall Of Fame might want to check out a few overlooked guys who didn't take steroids
666. US Airways recalls some laid-off flight attendants. Man, were they hot
665. Donovan McNabb may have a place in Minnesota if Tavaris Jackson doesn't suddenly become consistent in the last regular-season game
664. Ricky Gervais wants to be the next 007, is good at tongue-in-cheek
663. Red Sox are only in the Johan Santana derby to mess with the Yankees
662. Former NHL player Igor Larionov and powerful backers are trying to put together a European hockey league to rival the NHL, could steal many of the game's young talent that you've never heard of
661. Bill Belichick likely won't rest any Patriots starters, doesn't think Tom Brady is any more important than Matt Cassel
660. NBA power ranking show the only way Celtics can be #1 is if San Antonio has health issues
659. J.K. Rowling may write an eighth 'Harry Potter' book, mentions what the characters are doing in their adult lives
658. Morten Andersen will still be kicking in the NFL long after you are dead
657. Tom Osborne to remain athletic director for the big dead machine until 2010
656. Denzel Washington donates $1 million to Wiley College, is sooo well spoken
655. Champ Bailey knows what it's like to be the only gay eskimo
654. Todd Bertuzzi ended Steve Moore's career because he was afraid coach Marc Crawford would be mean to him
653. Mikki Moore calls out Sacramento Kings coaches for something, no one is really sure why or who he is
652. What's five percent of $300 million? Scott Boras' severance pay
651. Donovan McNabb will be back for another tour with the Eagles so long as Joe Walsh keeps his mouth shut
650. Christina Ricci tried anorexia, but found it did not decrease the size of her forehead
649. Tara Reid rushed to hospital after she fell. Bolts keeping abdomen in place were not harmed
648. Indiana Pacers motivated by guarantee that Eddy Curry didn't make
647. NBA power rankings show the Celtics are No. 1 in the East
646. Having congratulated all other teams that actually won something, Congress passes resolution honoring the Colorado Rockies
645. Celtics on nine-game winning streak despite Ray Allen's usual physical breakdown
644. Atlanta Falcons offer Bill Cowher their head coaching job, Bill Cowher gives them the dirty bird
643. Chicago Bears Lance Briggs is doing the child support shuffle
642. Jessica Simpson is contagious and spreading; Mischa Barton wants to get naked in movies
641. Opening clamshell packaging without injury can involve heavy duty scissors, which often come packed in clamshell packaging
640. Bill Cowher has made it clear that he will not coach in 2008 *wink wink*
639. EBay will end high shipping rates from tricky sellers
638. Four anonymous NHL players are testing skates with heated blades. Reason for secrecy unknown since all NHL players are anonymous
637. Michael Jordan does not have to pay woman $5 million for not talking about a baby that wasn't his
636. Kiefer Sutherland getting 100 letters a day in jail, but some are meant for Richard Dean Anderson
635. Tyra Banks thinks Britney Spears should kill herself, Janice Dickinson thinks Tyra Banks is fat, Britney Spears thinks Janice Dickinson writes good poems
634. Pittsburgh Steelers guarantee Aaron Smith is out for the year
633. Cubs are 50-50 on offering Mark Prior a contract, the same odds as him being on the field
632. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes take Suri to see the Spice Girls twice in three days. Authorities investigating abuse claims
631. It is unknown what burglars took from Charlize Theron's home, or when it will be released to the Internet
630. Jessica Simpson believes the only way she will be taken seriously as an actress is to do a full-frontal nude scene
629. Yankees may trade Hideki Matsui for some players that will help them keep a stranglehold on second place
628. Courtney Cox wants a "Friends" reunion. "Masters of the Universe" reunion more likely
627. Jessica Biel voted "cleanest" female celebrity by people who have not run a culture on Justin Timberlake's penis
626. Utah Jazz continue string of allowing an opponent to score at will and go to the hole
625. Breathing Utah's air is like smoking five cigarettes a day. Worse, as with all things in Utah, there is no buzz
624. Rockies reliever to sign with Yankees, will bring fresh new perspective on how to lose to the Red Sox
623. Kenyon Martin appears to be a bona fide NBA player with knees and everything
622. Peter Forsberg update: There is no update
621. San Diego Chargers are still confused about what constitutes "class" on the football field
620. Lindsay Lohan attempts to sell pictures of her family's Thanksgiving without showing any thighs or breasts
619. Travis Henry may be the first player to beat an NFL marijuana suspension
618. Having a MySpace page celebrating pot and gangs doesn't seem as cool after your 10-year-old daughter is killed in a pot and gang related shooting
617. Denver Broncos help the Washington Redskins cope with their loss, knowing a lot about it on and off the field
616. Reggie Miller takes last second shot against Knicks before calling their game tomorrow. Swish
615. Phil Jackson rumored to coach the Knicks, an unlikely move since they are not already built to win a title
614. Documents from Black Sox scandal re-discovered, fuel fears of another Kevin Costner movie
613. Yankees look to add Johan Santana from Twins, hope they aren't overpaying for another boob
612. Allen Iverson wins NBA player of the week for the 21st time. But but but Nuggets
611. How Barry Bonds grew into such a giant asshole, a pictorial
610. Judge agrees to hear argument that Church is a business. This should end well
609. Class action lawsuit against Crocs launched because the company acts like their shoes don't stink
608. Performer falls during Cirque du Soleil performance. Oh, the Zumanity
607. Dwayne Wade calls Shaq out for being lazy. Shaq confused, isn't used to having calls against him
606. Members of Knicks organization believe Isiah Thomas wants to be fired, but he can't even do that right
605. American fighter plane from WWII re-emerges from sand in Wales, promptly humps a sheep
604. Vince Young was overrated just a tad, but that wasn't his fault
603. Cable companies show sack to NFL in refusing to carry NFL network
602. It's so cute that the Miami Dolphins are pretending it matters what QB starts
601. After Travis Henry's hair follicle and lie detector tests showed he was clean, Mike Shanahan decided to support him. It's a nice gesture since Travis Henry is used to supporting so many others
600. Celtics are #1 in power rankings, are enjoying their honeymoon phase
599. Wikipedia founder urges people to think of the good things about Internet collaboration and research. He also blows goats
598. Paul Stastny reached 100 NHL points in his 99th career game, which is fourth best in his family
597. "Roe vs. Wade For Men" terminated
596. Cleveland's Mark Shapiro win's MLB's Executive of the Year. Rockies come in second again, look forward to second place in MVP and ROY
595. Micron CEO turns down bonus due to bad year, will somehow make it on the $8 million in compensation he was already paid
594. Jay Cutler does not join the long list of Denver Broncos who are out for the season, otherwise known as the lucky ones
593. Snoop Dogg and David Beckham plan to make movie together titled, "Box Office Poison"
592. Frontier Airlines doesn't fly to Boston because the Red Sox beat the Rockies or something
591. Scalper sues Colorado Rockies when online World Series ticket order is cancelled, Rockies actually settle
590. Colorado Rockies owner already predicting World Series win in 2008
589. FBI opens investigation into 'attack' on Rockies ticket system, apparently not just for laughs
588. Bad: Woman stabs man. Good: woman then takes him to hospital. Bad: where she proceeds to rob him (This wasn't the headline, can't remember what I had originally)
587. Bulls attempt to give up nothing in return for Kobe Bryant, are shown the back door
586. Peter Forsberg's top two choices are the Avalanche and the Senators, doesn't care how many Swedes the Red Wings have
585. Allen Iverson injured in practice. Practice
584. Colorado Rockies have now won 21 of 23 games, are among hottest postseason teams ever
583. Muslim punk band denigrates muslim author at behest of different muslim writer. That's right. Muslim punk band
582. Since World Series tickets went on sale in Denver at 10am MT, TheDenverChannel has not heard from a single fan who was able to buy World Series tickets Monday morning
581. Jeff Francis beats Sports Illustrated-cover jinx, defeats Dbacks in Game 1
580. Man gets Green Bay Packers season tickets after 37 years on waiting list
579. Colorado Republicans line up to give cash to out-of-touch north-easterner who doesn't understand western values and issues
578. Red Wings fans are waiting for somebody, anybody else to fill up their arena. Hockeytown, indeed
577. If A-Rod opts out, the Yankees will refuse to sign him. wink wink
576. Arizona Diamondbacks waiting for Rockies fans to fill their stadium
575. Paul Stastny gets the top star for the first week of NHL play with 4 goals, 4 assists. Malkin, who?
574. Red Sox-Yankees it ain't, but the Rockies and Diamondbacks could have their own little cute rivalry
573. Yankees want A-Rod back
572. Kevin Garnett doesn't even really remember what's-their-names
571. Colorado Rockies vote playoff share money to family of first base coach that died from line drive
570. Rockies have their cheese steak and eat it too
569. Pot group rents billboard to lure Ricky Williams to Denver. Pot group should use pot to lure Ricky Williams to Denver
568. Colorado Rockies vs. San Diego Padres wild card playoff discussion thread. Lets get it on. Not like Jeter and A-Rod, but still
567. Boulder students learning first hand that that protestors are viewed as douchebags regardless of the issue
566. Man volunteers at daycare and molests child. By "daycare" we mean "animal shelter," and by "child" we mean "dog"
565. Jack In The Box returning to Colorado after 11 year e-coli timeout. Submitter will never take you for granted again, sweet, sweet Breakfast jack
564. Councilwoman sues city, accidentally reveals illegal loan in deposition, reveals her credentials for politics are valid
563. Fugitive who murdered man over homosexual advances caught after 32 years. Where he is going, 'advances' will be a euphemism
562. Comprehensive look at MLB's postseason races, starts off with the two teams the Rockies killed
561. Colorado State Republicans to rally because "F*ck Bush" is profane, not because it's wrong
560. Rockies trim wild-card deficit to 1.5 games by pounding Padres. Could be described as "magical" if magic wasn't evil
559. Rockies sweep Dodgers four straight, have only a couple weeks left to celebrate meaningless wins
558. Matt Holliday has 10 homers in last 11 games, powers Rockies to third straight over Dodgers. MVP MVP MVP
557. Todd Helton seals doubleheader sweep with walk-off home run at Coors Canaveral
556. NHL to scrap schedule where the emphasis is on divisional games, hopefully will be gunning for the shootout next
555. Eric Gagne hit Mariano Rivera with an errant bullpen pitch. He's either that bad or that good
554. They Might Be Giants haven't been much like They Might Be Giants, but are reverting to their They Might Be Giants form
553. Avs rookie used to like the Red Wings, came to his senses
552. Despite Indian reservations, seller of sacred meteorite expected to net $1 million
551. In-flight turbulence may become thing of the past, like on-time departures and leg room
550. Family who found condom in soup can tasted extra noodle, will play game of chicken with Campbell's
549. Rockies to play Phillies with playoff implications for both teams. Monkeys expected to fly out of all their butts
548. Todd Helton becomes only player in MLB history to hit at least 35 doubles 10 straight years
547. Denver Broncos running attack is reborn as Travis Henry inserted himself into every hole he saw
546. Seattle beats Detroit 14-7. No, the other sport
545. Colorado Rockies use record ten pitchers in nine innings, pound Padres
544. Position by position MLB All-Star Team based on hot spouses/girlfriends. Sorry A-Rod, Jeter doesn't count
543. Kelsey Grammer vows to speak at the parole hearing of the beast that killed his sister
542. Rockies rally against Giants with a "never say die" attitude, the kind that can only come with a belief in everlasting life and salvation
541. Come out to California, have a few drinks, get gored by a bison, we'll have a few laughs
540. Boy suspended for toy gun accidently left in backpack. He said it was unloaded, but if it was from China it was probably full of lead anyway
539. Carmelo Anthony has become the most dangerous scorer on the planet
538. NHL goal judges relocated to where it will be hard to judge goals
537. Mexican basketball team snuck into the second round game against the U.S., did the dirty work to stay close, ultimately fell unrewarded
536. Broncos running back Travis Henry has fathered a baseball team, never strikes out
535. It's so cute how the Colorado Rockies think they still have a shot at the postseason
534. The Cure postpones fall tour *sob*
533. People involved in coastal Australian developments need to be more aware of disturbing underwater artifacts that have not been found and may not exist
532. Remains of last Russian tsar's children believed found, although some believe these findings are Bolshevik
531. Denver Catholic archdiocese decides that pilgrims can't have sects inside church
530. Purchasing Ecstasy ingredients on Ebay using your PayPal account and email address "freebasing@hotmail.com" may make the case against you stronger
529. Peyton Manning thinks ex-players who join the media are sell-outs, ranking just above idiot kickers
528. Priest Holmes is making Chiefs' training camp uncomfortable, complaining of lack of handicapped parking
527. Famous phone hacker "Joybubbles" dies, he whistled while he worked
526. Colorado soccer fans care enough about MLS team to know the coach by name and want him fired
525. Will the last healthy starting Rockies pitcher please choke out the lights
524. The Federal Trade Commission made trade secrets public in attempt to block merger
523. Colorado Rockies "ace" shelled in important showdown with Padres. To be fair, he's really a three in anyone else's rotation
522. Kirk Hinrich leaves Team USA to spend more time not representing his country
521. Colorado school district equates "Saving Private Ryan" and "Schindler's List" with "Basic Instinct" and "Road House"
520. Goofy game between Rockies and Brewers includes a pitcher possibly getting picked off on purpose
519. Frontier CEO routinely helps out gate agents and baggage handlers, has animals tattooed on his ass
518. Peter Forsberg is skating again, Detroit Red Wings think he'd fit well in their training room
517. Despite being the Colorado Rockies, the Colorado Rockies aren't dead yet
516. Since Telluride, Colorado voted to impeach Bush, Texas and Florida Republicans have threatened to stay away. So it's a win-win for everyone involved
515. Todd Rundgren performs "Hello, It's Me" as a bird
514. Ron Artest urges kids to keep their grades up, stay out of trouble, don't give up million-dollar job for rap career, stay away from domestic violence, decline beating patrons at place of work, work at Circuit city, scowl frequently
513. Ryan Smyth makes sure trade to Islanders was a rental, signs with Colorado Avalanche
512. AAA changes press release to include term 'midweek' holiday
511. Group with petition asks Denver cops to quit busting people with dope since it's legal and all
510. Britney Spears misses the stability of married life with K-fed
509. 80% of immigrants try to learn English, which is about the same percentage as U.S. high school students
508. Lawsuit filed after cop is fired for being in the worst marriage ever
507. Having fixed all other health care issues, congress may get involved if NFL pension system isn't fixed
506. Nobody knows who Matt Holliday is, and nobody will... until he gets out of Triple A
505. Sweden rules inmates have a right to their porn. Børk Børk Børk
504. Boston Celtics kill four team deal involving Kevin Garnett just because they didn't like what they would get - which is totally out of character for them
503. Avril Lavigne looks at the stunning sucess of Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, Kelly Clarkson and Jennifer Lopez and decides she wants her own acting career
502. Claude Julien becomes third Boston Bruins coach this year, already demands execution
501. After all the hubbub over strippers, rapes and recruitment, the only thing Colorado University gets busted for is meal discounts
500. Photoshop this woman whose God wants rocks
499. David Lee Roth created sex procurement system with Henry Ford's assembly line efficiency
498. NFL to create whistle-blower system for reporting concussions, Bengals
497. Todd Helton would play for the Yankees, who can scout him knocking their pitchers all over the yard the next few days
496. Kobe Bryant performs backdoor cut on management and teammates in video
495. Robber with plastic bag on head fails to get money, believed to have driven off in car with hose going from the exhaust to his window
494. Nicole Richie is attracted to "homeless" looking men, where the threat of eating is minimal
493. Courtney Love having 'mini-war' with cigarettes, losing full blown war with gravity
492. San Antonio Spurs able to make it thru championship parade without any whining
491. Thank you for hiking Colorado, here's a $5,000 bill for your rescue. Yes, it's high, but it was on overtime
490. Colorado Rockies decide that Yankees fans are going to pay extra to see their underachieving team, which is pretty much par for the course in Colorado anyway
489. Josh Beckett takes first loss as Rockies pound the Red Sox for second game in a row. Also, the Yankees have won nine in a row. Just saying
488. Major League Baseball deadline deals to get you juiced up
487. Sam Adams and his fat tire close to signing with Denver Broncos
486. Plenty of women at the Indy 500 ensures all headlight fluid will be checked and full
485. Yankees looking to major league farm team Denver Expos for help
484. 32 projected NFL starting quarterbacks ranked, Brett Favre ain't living on past glories any more
483. Atlanta Braves sold for some blankets and beads
482. High school math teacher finds Whizzinator operation tougher than the Riemann Hypothesis
481. Denying racism by saying you've had a "colored boy" in your home may come off as being disingenuous
480. Teemu Selanne's second straight 40 goal season makes him NHL's best old-ass bargain
479. Team USA extends invitation to Marcus Camby to cover Lebron James' defensive lapses
478. Colorado Rapids take over first place in Western Conference, fans reduced to trying to give a shiat about soccer until Broncos training camp
477. "Survivor" winner gets first ever shutout as latest jury still can't reconcile "outwit" with "lie"
476. Unlike other presidential candidate's children, Chelsea Clinton has remained out of the spotlight and hidden far away
475. Cult leader Yahweh Ben Yahweh dies the lamest cult leader death ever
474. When you are haggling over Trent Green, you have already lost
473. 4 out of 5 scholars agree; Wikipedia is accurate, informative and comprehensive
472. Hot, innocent and supple teens face increased sexual harassment in the workplace (Headline changed)
471. Marcus Camby wins NBA Defensive Player Of The Year, taught Carmelo the "backpedal from fight" maneuver
470. 'Look who's smoking and flipping off the camera while naked, too' pictures approved by authorities
469. Allen Iverson is the Denver Nuggets hand, and their hand is on the trigger
468. San Antonio Spurs, the team who worries so much about their hair and makeup, forgot about the Denver Nuggets
467. Flights on B-17 bomber open to the public in target rich Colorado
466. Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson are unable to play together on their way to winning their seventh game in a row and clinching a playoff birth
465. Jay Cutler's last job before being the Denver Broncos' quarterback was trashman, which is why people thought he would end up in Oakland
464. Denver Nuggets win sixth in a row against Lakers and Kobe Bryant, who shot 9-of-30. MVP MVP MVP
463. NFL's best first-round picks at each slot. In the No. 1 slot, John Elway beats out a certain Indianapolis Colt not named Steve Emtman
462. NHL playoff power rankings. Red Wings suffer due to poor power play
461. Joe Sakic, 38, resigns with Colorado Avalanche after 100-point season
460. Colorado Avalanche are the first team to surpass 93 points and miss the playoffs, finish season on a 15-2-2 run
459. Teams are unwilling to give a boatload for top 10 NFL draft picks because of Eli Manning
458. Nuggets end Mavericks dream of tying season wins record, will have to settle for a playoff choke
457. David Carr agrees to end his career with the Carolina Panthers
456. Peter Forsberg to play first game in Colorado as an opponent, plans on seeing all his old doctors
455. Colorado Avalanche's late season 14-1-2 run will mean nothing when the Edmonton Giver-Uppers play Calgary
454. In Colorado, contract extensions given to your manager and GM after five losing seasons is called "stability"
453. Pot distributes 350,000 anti-Kettle DVDs in Utah, hoping to convince them their religion is a cult
452. Seattle Supersonics come back from 25-point deficit to beat Minnesota Timberwolves
451. Nation's oldest CEO turns 106; is unsure Social Security will be around when he retires
450. Air Force and Wisconsin showdown in the NCAA hockey tournament features two all-American teams
449. The legend and back story of Leeroy Jenkins, an article not into the whole brevity thing
448. NBA players receive a $106 per diem while on road trips to spend as they wish on food, reading materials, strippers and crack
447. Barack Obama wows Denver crowd, is asked what team he plays for
446. Andrew Bogut apologizes for gesturing to the home crowd that they're No. 1
445. George Karl challenges the Nuggets to hold the Blazers to 30 percent shooting in the second half. They held them to 60 percent
444. Paul Stastny breaks NHL rookie points streak mark, his old man has the third longest
443. After starting the season 17-1, Air Force may not make the tourney
442. Insane Clown Posse fans forming gangs and committing murders. Where is the clown outrage?
441. Three years after on ice attack, Steve Moore still hasn't been cleared to play by doctors. He should probably just get over it, the big faker
440. Undercover drug informant surprised to see name listed under sheriff's expenses in newspaper
439. Colorado bill would allow same-sex couples to adopt partner's children. Opponents say it would open door for trees, chairs, and mollusks to adopt children
438. The "Indiana Jones of Beer" has died
437. People do not remember commercials from sexy shows. Trend first noticed during "The Golden Girls" run
436. Day of reckoning for cheapos who refuse to pay for cable but watch TV is coming in two years. All four of you have been warned
435. Most memorable sports injury cover-ups, does not include Kobe's wife kicking his nuts
434. Elizabeth Hurley's four-year-old son is her bodyguard. How cute
433. While John Travolta covers his dome with a rug, Bruce Willis bares his with pride and threatens to beat up anyone who makes fun of it
432. Utah Jazz whine about Kobe's star treatment, pine for the days when Stockton and Malone took 35 free throws a game
431. Billy Joel's new song is the creepiest of the year
430. When panhandling at intersections becomes criminal, only criminals will panhandle. And firefighters
429. Actress makes documentary praising Woody Allen after he fires her and calls her 'retarded'. That guy is good
428. Jeff Garcia morphs into ambulance chaser, believes the Bears could use a semi-conscious quarterback like himself
427. NBA teams have finally realized that there is only one Michael Jordan, have started searching for the next Scottie Pippen
426. Girl plays on the top line of her high school hockey team, scores often and rarely gets stuck in the box
425. Todd Bertuzzi may be traded again, could be a big hit for a team trying sneak up from behind contenders
424. Who amongst us hasn't impersonated a cop in our plateless Nissan that contains drug paraphernalia?
423. Get Carmelo Anthony on the court and he's trouble, last night messed around and got a triple double. He'd rather have the win
422. Being thin for "Dreamgirls" was awful for Beyonce, couldn't wait to rejoin Team Winslet
421. American Idol power rankings led by ugly guys
420. Can the Phoenix Suns win an NBA title, and can the guy who wrote the article get a better head shot?
419. Justin Timberlake likes Jessica Biel, does not like like her
418. President Bush and Julia Roberts wondering where they will get their next round of fried cow balls
417. Roman legion re-enactors descend upon Alabama, spectators anxious to see their phalanx
416. Jack Bauer doll's clothes don't burn, but figure does. Kiefer tested, Kiefer approved
415. Sixteenth Winter Deaflympics hits Salt Lake City. I said, 16TH WINTER DEAFLYMPICS HITS SALT LAKE CITY
414. Denver is paying $1 million a week in snow removal costs. Aspen is paying $15 million a week bringing snow in
413. Couple collecting $10,000 powerball winnings buy more tickets, win $15 million
412. Bob Marley's sons to hold birthday concert while pushing non-hardcore peace
411. Colorado Rockies pull Todd Helton off the table, Boston pulls pud and Helton pulls a hammy
410. Chicago Bears arrive in Miami, still deciding who will get caught with the hooker
409. Todd Helton is a tough-ass out, therefore may not fit in with the Red Sox
408. Twenty all-time dumbest questions asked at the Super Bowl media day. Why Parcells is called "The Big Tuna" omitted
407. If Kevin Durant can Carmelo-ize the Longhorns to a title, he may win college basketball's Player Of The Year
406. Beyonce and Shakira to duet on a song that is not about shaking their asses
405. Utah's only openly gay senator calls his anti-anti-sodomy law conservative, conservative lawmakers to give stiff opposition
404. County officials almost come to blows over who is the biggest liar
403. Carmelo Anthony throws a punch, gets a 15-game suspension. Kevin Garnett throws a punch, gets a one-game suspension. Hmmmmm
402. After being only scheduled for one fall, Don Zimmer enters his 59th year in baseball. Looks forward to a rematch with Martinez
401. Bill Walton would be confused if Carmelo Anthony got a standing ovation on his return. A bong hit? Sure, but not a 'standing O'
400.. After filing NFL draft paperwork, Hawaii QB Colt Brennan decides to return to school and throw a hundredy-billion TD passes
399. Martin Brodeur could break wins record for goaltenders in 2008/9 season, Patrick Roy is rooting for him to do so
398. Implanting chips in humans may become illegal, taking away another component of your basic high school orgy
397. Orlando Bloom turned 30, secret ring tattoo starting to look oval
396. Houston is betting $5.35 million that Brad Lidge grabs sack
395. Carmelo Anthony named USA Basketball male athlete of the year
394. John Elway declines to run for Colorado senate seat, those of us who went to college where training camp was held know why
393. Pop culture themed hotel has a 'chick flick' floor where your woman can cheat but get her man in the end
392. Colorado Rockies will host "Faith Day" during home game next season, and by
"faith" they mean "Christian," and by "game" they mean "loss"

391. Chris Webber agrees to sign with Pistons for the remainder of the season, or
until his leg falls off. Either one

390. You wouldn't think Minneapolis would need a 'no sex with fellow firefighters'
rule, but you'd be wrong

389. Steve Blake guns down former team, credits Allen Iverson for making him better at it
388. Two Denver Nuggets seek concealed handgun permits, will level the playing field
387. Woman remembers over 20 years of Democratic National Conventions, including shooting water pistols at Bill Clinton in 1988 when he wouldn't shut up
386. Ray Allen becomes third shooting guard to hit Utah Jazz for 50 points this

385. If Roe Vs. Wade is struck down, Utah Republican has bill banning most procedures ready to take it's place
384. Dante's face wasn't even supposed to be reconstructed from his skull that day
383. Nick Lachey not ready to marry his future ex-wife, needs to evaluate her earning potential further
382. David Arquette blaims Angelina Jolie for Pitt-Aniston breakup, crawls back under Courtney Cox's shadow
381. Utah Jazz still hurting after being literally biatch slapped by the Mavericks
380. Photo gallery of the comet McNaught currently passing by, sure to knock your
Nikes off

379. Minnesota Wild's Wes Walz tricked by former teammate Andrew Brunette into
sending him the puck by shouting his pet name

378. Anthropologist believes that skin is the most underappreciated of our organs.
Submitter disagrees on a personal level

377. Story involving teenage cheerleaders, phallus candles, condoms and pictures
sounds promising, but is ultimately unsatisfying

376. Gary Glitter may be released early, will seek an immediate release
375. Air Force basketball wins 12th game in a row after rallying from 20-point

374. Bill O'Reilly and Stephen Colbert will appear on each other's shows in a battle
of smuginess

373. Peter Forsberg continues to get injured in a number of ways but still can't find
a frackin' boot for his glass ankle

372. Professional athletes encounter violence in New York, Atlanta, Denver and
wherever Charles Barkley is

371. BCS Championship games ranked in order from "someone got screwed" to "the right team won"
370. Former Utah Jazz center Mark Eaton will lead small business seminar titled,
'Fire: BAD'

369. Top 10 NHL lessons learned in 2006 does not mention anything about rigging
all-star votes for losers

368. All Joe team for grunts of the NFL does not include Panthers' cheerleaders
367. SUV used in Darrent Williams murder found with bad paint job
366. 50 Cent answers five questions, including what makes him sooo sassy
365. Death, taxes, one Peter Forsberg injury per game; These are the things you can
count on

364. Family took in 44 people stranded by blizzard, looted grocery truck, lit plenty
of matches

363. Will Ferrell's wife has given birth to a hairy, overexposed child
362. Like audiences, comedy writers hate "Studio 60"
361. Jeff Daniels is a skilled singer, songwriter and musician. Also believes that
John Denver is full of shiat

360. List of CDs to be released in 2007 leaves all 15 radio enthusiasts excited
359. Allen Iverson is ready to be involved in another Philadelphia 76'ers loss
358. It's possible the Denver Broncos will not have a 1,000 yard back this year, may
need to stockpile 6th round picks for next draft

357. San Francisco 49'ers runnning back Frank Gore depending on Moran to help break Garrison Hearst's team rushing record
356. Knicks win third overtime game in ten days, have briefly forgotten Stephon
Marbury is on the team

355. Bobby Knight going for win 880 tonight, would make him winningest Div 1
basketball coach. Plans to finish the game turned around so everyone can kiss his ass

354. Allen Iverson's arrival in the Western Conference will mean someone not as good as him won't make the all-star team
353. Blocking brain chemical could curb alcoholism, two-baggers
352. Terrell Owens visited Eagles hotel before game, seems positive about Jeff
Garcia's sexual orientation and wants more balls

351. Chad Johnson shoots off his mouth by saying nothing but good things about Champ Bailey
350. Models claim Bill Cosby put something in the Jello before giving them his
pudding pop

349. Abbreviated coaching tenures. Several coaches should have been on this list but

348. Upon signing with the Baltimore Orioles, Jay Payton is ready to battle the 'two
evil empires', book October vacations

347. Allen Iverson doesn't care where he gets traded to as long as he gets out of
Philly. Not so fast, Charlotte

346. Sean Lennon has 2 ex-girlfriends perform on his new album, 'I'm not Julian'
345. Aniston and Cox want to do a 'Friends' reunion while everyone's careers are in
the tank

344. Angels almost traded for Todd Helton before realizing they aren't retarded
343. Florida Gators were for championship game rematches before they were against

342. Sebastian Bach says Axl Rose has not lost his mind
341. Everybody wants Jason Jennings except the Colorado Rockies, who are sure to get swindled
340. Top golf shots of 2006
339. Bones of first horse mutilated by UFO goes on Ebay, satellite in pelvis intact
338. Missing girl was just shopping at Wal-Mart, should be fine after a thorough

337. Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake will never get married, although Diaz loves to catch bouquets and Timberland likes to catch
336. Bookie takes plea deal, set to testify against NHL coach Rick Tocchet. Wayne
Gretzky's wife's bust may come into play

335. Edmonton hometown scorers credit the Oilers with 34 hits to the Avs' five in a
7-3 loss

334. George Clooney mocks Frankenstein and She-man
333. Bears' Grossman admits to X-rated talk with Vikings DBs, giving them an ass

332. Jay Cutler jerseys are selling like hotcakes the week before he gets pancaked
331. Peter Forsberg rumored to go back to the Avalanche, will be reunited with his spleen
330. Using your phone at a restaurant is now a good thing, Startup offers 'pay by text message'
329. Sports Illustrated ranks top 10 "unstoppable" NFL players in last 10 years. No. 2 and No. 3 have been stopped every year
328. On a troublesome episode of "Teen Town," Peaches is livid over the news that Courtney has her sights set on Donny. She also can't believe she hasn't been invited to the slumber party
327. When your star player goes down all is not lost, remember the Ewing Theory
326. You'd think watching Brett Favre get pounded every week would get old. It doesn't
325. Bipolar Red Wings lose five in a row after winning nine is a row
324. Carmelo Anthony and J.R. Smith are BFFs (with cutest pic eva)
323. Ben Wallace benched by Bulls for wearing headband, rather than for his poor play
322. Jay Z and Snoop Dogg's new albums show mainstream hip hip to be stagnant. Where have all the Big L's gone?
321. Teri Hatcher demands specific shoes for scene, claims the patent leather really brings out her face
320. Gwen Stefani may quit pop to spend more time with her child and the guy who quit rock
319. NHL shootout adversely affects playoff seeding despite the entertainment factor
318. NBA's leading scorer helps Nuggets win streak hit 5, also leads the league in steals per game
317. Yoko Ono calls for Dec. 8 to be the day to ask forgiveness, admits she can't forgive Mark David Chapman
316. Paula Abdul releases cardio workout with help from NFL cheerleaders, sans scat
315. Latest American Idol winner's debut CD sounds like the lovechild of "Sussudio" and "Head Over Heels", you know, like Wang Chung
314. Carmen Electra spotted making out with Joan Jett after Dave Navarro spotted making out with Greg Kihn
313. George Michael wants the other Wham guy to join him on tour. Other guy asks after so many years of no contact, where does he get off?
312. Police kill man outside strip club the day before his wedding. Suicide by cop suspected
311. Linkin Park fan hacks lead singer's cell phone records, threatens his wife trying to impress Jodie Foster
310. Orrin Hatch concedes the new Congress should have enough votes to pass stem cell research, even to override a Presidential veto
309. Denver Broncos may employ Cutler-and-Run
308. Barbara Walters nips O'Donnell-Aiken-Ripa feud in the bud, says if Rosie was a tree she'd be a Boxwood
307. Biggest dumbass at TomKat's wedding may have been Jennifer Lopez
306. Will Ferrell turned down $29 million to do Elf 2, doesn't want to be over-exposed
305. Imams call for airline boycott by muslims after detention. Sounds like a win-win for everyone involved
304. NFL Network to begin new series ranking the 40 Super Bowl champions, starts Thursday night after the Chiefs loss
303. Partially clothed sex offender found in high school parking lot, claimed he was on the wrestling team
302. Adult sex shops moving to the suburbs, people no longer have to get off near the interstate
301. Orlando Bloom dating Kirsten Dunst, or maybe canoodling. Possibly just snogging. Whatever
300. Russia will be seeking volunteers to spend 500 days in 500-square-foot metal box to see what a trip to Mars will be like, and if Stephen Baldwin can convince Pauly Shore to accept Christ
299. Sean 'Insert Nickname Here' Combs says a good party must offer group sex, moreso than good music
298. Lindsay Lohan hooks up with soccer legend's son ,who was seen immediately afterward rolling on the ground holding his crotch
297. Recap of all 17 years of MTV's Real World; Drinking, fighting, sex
296. Authorites release sketch of "Jack The Ripper." Keep an eye out, he's Hispanic
295. Chad Johnson believes the Saints Mike McKenzie is a better corner than Champ Bailey
294. Hispanic activists: "If (Democrats) hope to capture the White House in 2008, they better listen to us." They don't like the "Tortilla Wall" either
293. Sacred cave destroyed by ex-NHL player, locals want to stick him in the five hole
292. Man joins the 'Inordinate Amount Of Cash With Mysterious Files On Laptop' Club
291. Gay outings are a product of gossip culture, gay sex
290. Denver Broncos never fail to remind LaDainian Tomlinson that he plays for the Chargers
289. Man serves Kobe Bryant with lawsuit over errant elbow during 2005 game, evidence includes backdoor cut
288. Denver University swept defending champion Wisconsin with a bunch of freshmen
287. Patrick Roy could have a been a Red Wing
286. Edmonton Oilers upset when Colorado defenseman stops breakaway by giving Ryan Smyth a Charley Horse
285. Gunman takes hostages, demands prescription drugs, becomes drowsy
284. Raiders player cost team chance at a win when he declined to stay in bounds
283. Tom Cruise arrives in Italy sans Katie Holmes for their wedding -- her winding mechanism needed service
282. Christina Aguilera is disappointed with the first year of marriage, was counting on more grime and urine
281. Scarlett Johansson would choose a movie role over boyfriend Josh Hartnett, maybe even a bundt cake
280. Actor is in awe of sharing stage with Molly Ringwald, rejects claim she is just... void
279. Indianapolis Colts first team to go 9-0 in consecutive seasons, goal of another division title in sight
278. Former Raider Jim Plunkett gives current Raider's QB advice on not being sacked, the key is balancing your enormous head
277. White burglar hits white homeowner with baseball bat, apologizes and says he was looking for a black man, is tackled by homeowner, burglar's black accomplice points gun at homeowner, burglars leave. That about sums it up
276. Detroit outsources Grand Marshal of Thanksgiving Parade to Sweden
275. Andrei Kirilenko still shoots like a fifth grader, or a retarded Drago. Either one
274. D.C. United midfielder Christian Gomez was selected Major League Soccer’s Most Valuable Player , second and third place went to other guys you also haven't heard of
273. ACLU defends student whose newsletter gives men tips on how to deny women pleasure during sex
272. NFL mid-season all-rookie team
271. Best NBA dunks of the week
270. Denver Nuggets' Kenyon Martin needs his knee amputated
269. Elle Macpherson repels mugger with 'nipples of fury'
268. American Idol's Kelly Pickler turns 6th place into a No. 1 album on Billboard's
country chart

267. Dr. Z's NFL power rankings. Says the Broncos big plays against the Steelers was girly
266. Man attempts to scare coworkers, accidentally blows his hand off. It worked
265. Bob Seger tour begins today, will be way up firm and high
264. Cameron Diaz wishes she had a fuller booty, meanwhile Kate Winslet likes her
saggy boobs and stretch marks. Really

263. NHL's most underrated and most overrated players
262. Photoshop Chinese Ambassador Wang Guangya, NBA Commisioner David Stern and American Ambassador John Bolton at a Knicks game
261. Woman gets back money she sent to scammer, will be more careful next time she plays Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes
260. Giving condemned inmates anti-anxiety meds before death either makes their
execution safer for all, or allows those bastards unnecessary mercy before rightful smiting

259. After consulting 200 dogs, company creates CD with songs they enjoy. Your dog
wants "Now That's What I Call Steak Vol. 6"
(Admin added last cliche line)
258. Sharon Stone bails on charity Barbie auction when the doll looks nothing like
her. Think smooth skin, perky breasts and firm buttocks

257. Dinosaurs lived for 300,000 years after the meteor strike that wiped them out
256. Scottish stone circles are better than Stonehenge, which is crap
255. Howard Hughes still has a fortune and people are still fighting over it, though
none of them are spruce geese

254. Carmelo Anthony falls victim to NBA's new 'no biatching' rule, gets tossed for
tossing headband while walking to bench

253. Hugh Grant is invited to Elizabeth Hurley's Hindu wedding in India, will be
asked to stay away from the Hijras

252. Darren McCarty's financial troubles have former teammates happy they're not that stupid
251. Minnesota Wild catch up to rest of NHL, create policy to hide true nature of
player's injuries

250. Todd Bertuzzi might have back surgery to remove yellow streak, may need new
underwear for same reason

249. Finalists for new Minnesota license plates do not include house boat sex parties
248. Utah Jazz look to get back to playoffs after three-year layoff; get Kirilenko's wife to allow him more than one groupie a year
247. The Nine new serial dramas introduced this season have mostly failed
246. Broncos' Rod Smith teaches kids about fiscal responsibility, would like to kick ass of man who scammed him
245. People ran the 'Naked Pumpkin Run' with pumpkins on their heads to hide their identities; they then gave their names to newspaper for interviews
244. Skin cancer patch cures cancer without the annoying scarring or infection
243. The NBA now has 83 international players, most of them overrated bench trash riding out their ridiculous contracts
242. Heavy D sues insurance company over stampede at charity event, blames Chunky A
241. Peter Forsberg urges teammates to not give up on season. Used self as example when he overcame burst spleen, torn hammy, torn shoulder, dislocated shoulder, torn abdominals, strained ankle, bruised thigh
240. Toronto fans want asterisk by Buffalo Sabres winning streak due to new shootout rules, may be only winnable venture this year
239. No, you are not the only one going to a Halloween party with a stingray sticking out of your chest
238. Carmelo Anthony went from a typical knucklehead to the best player on team USA
237. Man, you should have been at Dave's last night We're all sittin' around doing drugs when Donnie took a claw hammer to the leg and Dave shot his brother in the stomach. It was killer
236. New York Knicks season ticket orders down 15% on the news that the New York Knicks still suck
235. At 6-0, the Indianapolis Colts have plenty of doubters. Bonus: Michael Irvin makes a coherent point
234. City of Boston has hit its liquor license cap
233. Caption Barack Obama taking control of the mic
232. Apparently, "I love a good session on the Bishop's Finger" is not an appropriate beer advertisement
231. Man denied walk-thru privileges at Burger King drive-thru makes bomb threat from parking lot pay phone
230. Major League Baseballs biggest playoff controversies of all time
229. Will Smith in group trying to buy 76ers, wants to use older players with crappy

228. Looking at blue eyes offers huge clue to paternity. Looking into brown eye not
as effective, may have caused the problem to begin with

227. Man with amnesia identified by fiancé, about to re-enter a whole new world of

226. Thirteen-year-old gets hole-in-one. Dateline is there
225. 3 cheerleaders cuffed and led away after removing 'Dougl' from 'Douglass Valley Elementary School' sign
224. Putting ants on your child is an unacceptable form of punishment
223. Ron Artest believes new album will change people's minds about him, congruently that people will actually listen to it
222. Rescue dogs who worked Ground Zero show none of the respiratory ailments their human counterparts have
221. Stories of how rock musicians got their guitars, from Jimmy Page to Paul

220. Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey are not lovers, just friends and having a ball
219. The Broncos John Lynch knocking Drew Brees out of a game last year helped the Chargers in the quarterback dilemma
218. NFL players poll reveals the Patriots Rodney Harrison as the dirtiest player, Broncos offensive line offended
217. Roman Circus where chariots raced excavated in England, jars of ether found nearby
216. AOL laying off 400 customer service representatives. Expected to retain jobs through abuse of management for another couple months
215. Justin Timberlake rocks CBS' Victoria's Secret show, looks great in animal print lingerie
214. The story of the last pick in the 1994 NHL draft, Kim Johnsson. The Rangers picked his name out of a hat, now he's a millionaire
213. Well-meaning teacher has students wear "drunk goggles." Girl bashes her face on a desk and has sex with the whole football team
212. Twenty-one finalist sites for the new "Seven Wonders of the World." A henge made it, it's made of stone
211. Every NBA player ranked from best to worst
210. List of 10 manliest Halloween costumes include not so manly pictures
209. Nine buildings have been excavated around Stonehenge, whose purpose has been downgraded from astral calendar to BBQ pit
208. Finally, a trend among celebrities that isn't a cult: Britney Spears to adopt her very own African child
207. Tonight will be the Arizona Cardinals first shellacking on Monday Night Football since 1999
205. Ten NFL players that need to be traded by the deadline
204. Northern Colorado punter still shaken weeks after his unstabbed status was revoked by teammate
203. White House advisers mock, then exploit, evangelical supporters
202. Sean 'Insert Nickname' Combs claims he only 'liked' Jennifer Lopez, did not
'like like' her

201. Ten NBA rookies who will have the biggest impact
200. Ethnocentric Scottish futurologist predicts golf on the Moon by 2040
199. Pacers Stephen Jackson charged in strip club bruhaha, claims the rounds he fired off were not during a lap dance
198. Although Black Eyed Peas were allowed despite vulgar music, China bans Jay-Z
concert for vulgar language

197. Qwest mogul selling DC United, will leave him with only 3 Major League Soccer
money pits

196. Independent music stores still exist, and some do well enough to upgrade their
retail space. Here's submitter's favorite

195. Classic rock driving ringtone sales, Inna Gadda Da Vida costs 8 times the normal price
194. Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie seen at L.A. steakhouse, purpose unknown
193. Scientists create robotic whiskers to help understand why cats get their heads
stuck in grates

192. Levi's with built in iPod dock to hit the market at $250 per unstylish pair
191. Merlot grapes remain unpicked and unsold based on pedestrian wine consumers
being influenced by the movie Sideways

190. Britney Spears has ripped into husband Kevin Federline in a new song inspired by tigers
189. Narrowing the NFL Hall Of Fame candidates to the top 25
188. Yale athletes appear on Cincinnati Bengals radar for 2007 draft (I hate myself for using this lame-ass cliché.)
187. Due to his Amish beliefs, NFL lineman will not pursue charges against opponent
who stomped his face

186. Senator's 81-year-old father pleads guilty to having sex in a car by pizzeria.
Popsicle stick and rubber band left at scene

185. Wayne Gretzky is betting on an improved, tougher Phoenix Coyotes team. Well, at least his wife is
184. Colorado Rockies' third baseman named NL player of the week. Take that, playoff teams
183. Cardinals beat Padres for seventh straight postseason matchup
182. A's beat Twins to open the Yankee's championship playoffs
181. Salt Lake strippers must wear pasties over their sinful nipples, marry their

180. Suing a newspaper for saying you went to a swingers club and admitting it on
tape are not mutually exclusive actions

179. Tony Bennett does duets with 18 current stars. Well, more current anyway
178. Former NFL lineman appeals limits on shooting farm-raised elk in an enclosed pen
177. Top 10 NFL rookies thus far
176. Toddler survives for three days alone in the woods, successfully eludes animals,
sexual predators

175. Details of Colorado shooter's suicide note sent to family member
174. Tourist says space smells like 'burned almond cookie', which is better than
expected 'decrepit cramped toilet'

173. Jake Plummer's brother writes Denver sportswriter to complain that the
quarterback takes too much heat

172. Lost actors ordered to stop skinny dipping, deny they were exploring sawyer's

171. Sports Illustrated puts together the best NHL team, based on a $44 million
dollar salary cap

170. "Trivia is the glue that holds our society together," says what's-his-name
169. Faith-based aid is so effective it would continue under the Godless Church of

168. Man challenges panhandler's veteran status, panhandler challenges man's
unstabbed status

167. Tony Blair says it was tough to be Bush's top ally without getting a really cool

166. Men hope to break Guinness record of 69 hours for continuously watching football
165. Top 10 biggest Heisman disappointments does not include Charlie Ward
164. Steve Yzerman becomes Vice President of the Detroit Red Wings, in charge of 8th seed upsets
163. Subway's Jared has graduated to the elementary school motivational speaking
circuit, engages children on the benefits of six-inchers

162. Man who suffered stab wound helping 65-year-old mugging victim loses home to
medical bills. There is a lesson here

161. Failure to include "I approved this ad" could cost candidate the election
160. City employee named Smoke brags about smoking pot on MySpace
159. The Broncos have only scored one touchdown this year. On the bright side, they
have allowed zero

158. Quarry with 10,000-year-old blood smeared tools and bones found
157. Paleontologists find 67 dinosaur skeletons in one week, say it was like shooting Bibles in a barrel
156. Peter Forsberg named captain of Flyers, intercom system installed between trainer's room and ice
155. Africans believe polio vaccination is a western devil plot to sterilize girls, spread HIV, import Sally Struthers
154. There are still clan struggles in Scotland, it's just now they use their smarmy wit instead of swords
153. Roman bathhouse discovered by students, was like a truck stop but in the Middle Ages
152. Indian tribes fight ski resort expansion on sacred mountain, say past transgressions caused 9/11, Katrina and the Columbia shuttle crash
151. Dave Matthews concert falls somewhere between a Phish gig and a frat mixer without even taking the tour-bus crapper into account
150. Todd Bertuzzi complains about the way he left the Canucks, with the ability to continue his career, not suffer post-concussion syndrome, not get dizzy and skate, etc.
149. It's gotten so bad for Maurice Clarett that it is news when he's NOT arrested
148. Seven Colorado counties among the top 10 for highest U.S. lifespan. Coincidently, also leads the nation in beer production per capita. Or not
147. Man arrested for making 9-year-olds sell candles in the rain, real crimes transpire elsewhere
146. It is okay to blow up prairie dogs in Colorado
145. "Top 10 NFL rookies to watch" has an undrafted free agent at No. 2
144. Lacking usual cut blocks, Super Bowl MVP alleges collar tackle, racism at Emmy party
143. Imagine a car made of spinach, running on spinach, driven by someone who eats

142. Dumpster diving salad seekers sentence tossed
141. Which Broncos tailback will ring the Rams bell has not been disclosed, like it

140. Peter Forsberg back on ice after ankle surgery just in time to pull hammy, strain
abdominals, dislocate shoulder, break collarbone, etc. You used to this yet, Flyers fans?

139. Uncontrollable 6 year old removed from flight, hopefully precedent extends to

138. Shadows expected from big bang have not appeared, probably due to great lighting from every angle
137. Methamphetamine contamination can lead to headaches, diarrhea, shortness of breath, skin rashes and birth defects with none of the buzz
136. "The greatest loss is the dying I do inside a little bit every day", says convicted murderer who wants a sex change
135. Ad writer who named the Ginsu knife dies. Funeral to be attended by namers of Didi 7, Flowbee and Pearl Cream
134. Harley Davidson's 9/11 bikes commemorate firefighters, loud rumbling noises
133. Contentious MLS match ends with Colorado defender stuffing his jersey in his shorts and making obscene gestures
132. Paraglider taken down by remote control plane, insurgents take notes
131. Colorado opens season against creampuff Division I-AA Montana State, still loses
130. University students who left to assist Katrina victims were punished academically
129. NHL winger arrested after going wild outside nightclub, 2 minutes in the box will take on whole new meaning
128.  Two top rookie quarterbacks face off tonight. One is destined for greatness, the other plays for the Cardinals
127. Saxon belt buckle resembles door to the Mines Of Moria
126. Shhhhh, Carmelo Anthony is playing the best basketball on Team USA
125. Eva Longoria to be honored by group for promoting positive image of Latina sexpots
124. First handwritten bibles by Benedictine monastery since invention of the printing press to go on sale for $115,000
123. Scientists think rods that get thicker when stretched, and thinner when compressed are unusual
122. Former Broncos receiver's fines may be more than salary
121. 17-year-old breaks free of duct tape, stabs intruder to death and saves family
120. State Senator criticizes desegregation, adds he "doesn't have a racial bone in his body". Is asked if he would like one
119. Handwriting expert who judged John Mark Karr's samples is not an actual qualified handwriting expert, he just plays one on TV.
118. America isn't dumb, we are a nation of pop culture geniuses
117. Though midgets would be more entertaining, mayoral vacancy may end in a coin toss
116. Five archaeologists sheltering in a canteen were picked up and thrown through the air by a freak tornado. Just think of the logistics
115. Denver Broncos superfan Barrel Man selling barrel, autographed by Superbowl team on outside, who knows what's inside
114. Back to school gadgets to help your child learn and make you feel stupid
113. Team USA continues to pound opposition in games that don't count
112. Archaeologists excavating Roman corn drier discover either ancient murder or early Darwin Award winner
111. Family sues after cemetary paves road over burial plots purchased in 1964
110. Progress reports on top 25 Major League Baseball prospects. Funky butt lovin'
109. The Fray guitarist marries, ending hopes of superior follow up album
108. Colorado Rockies starters lead the National League in ERA
107. United States Basketball treats Puerto rico like the bombing range that it is
106.  450-year-old piece of pinky confirms Roman Emporer Charles V had gout, no hand soap
105.  Removing nude sculpture is a slippery slope, may lead to removal of obese sculpture
104.  Under a process that is hard to understand, ancient texts by mathmetician
Archimedes reveal things that are hard to understand

103.  Basque sheepherders in Idaho carved political slogans and tales of sexual exploits on trees. Neither presumably about sheep
102.  Suspect in adult bookstore robberies arrested, caught when alert teller noticed
bills sticking together

101.  Recap of recent MLB deadline deals shows someone usually gets screwed
100.  Denver Broncos training camp opens with same question as every year: which scrub will run opponents faces into the dirt for 1200+ yards?
99.   Man seemingly robs adult businesses exclusively without grabbing porn to complement the cash
98.  In a relationship, it is sometimes necessary to fan the flames of love. Adding gasoline is probably going too far though
97.  Tops on the Denver Election Commision's 'to do' list is preventing miscues, like the accidental loss of thousands of voters' personal records
96.   30-foot long bronze age boat found in Scotland, carved from one single piece of oak
95.  In Denver, 52 American, Palestinian and Israeli girls to hash out Middle East problems. Just imagine the sexual tension
94.  Hurricane Katrina uncovered 2000 year old Indian sites and burial mound
93.  Former Colorado Governor believes hispanics are an underslass whose culture is not success-producing, wants a magic wand to infuse them with traits of the Japanese and the Jews
92.  Jamestown well produces old ass trash
91. Recall drive threatened after councilman says neighborhood has some good looking women
90.  USA Basketball to begin quest to regain respectability, looking for those who can play basketball
89.  Archaeologists decide whether to open 1300 year old untouched mausoleum, weigh damaging contents against gaining tourism money
88.  Like its predecessor, "The Passion Of The Maya" may be based in fiction (w/ crazy Mad Max pic)
87.  Disregarding all the homes in Wales, town may build home for brain injury patients on top of Hadrian's Wall
86.  John Elway is the greatest Quarterback of all time (Original Tag was 'Obvious')
85.  Confederate sub may have sunk when crew opened hatch to replenish the oxygen. Just think of the logistics
84.  Man sentenced for stealing $500,000 from friend, $90,000 of which was spent at strip club
83.  At memorial, Ken Lay's life outside Enron honored. Was reminiscent of when Tookie Williams' life outside Crips honored
82.  The group who gets less love than the Log Cabin Republicans? British homosexuals who are 'passionate about Islam'

Built To Spill frontman Doug Martsch thinks a lot of the group's back catalogue "sucked"

80.  Carved stone found in 1872 is a mystery, mostly because no one used it as a basis for a religion
79.  U.S. court orders Chicago museum to sell Iranian artifacts to pay victims of Iranian terrorism
78.  Despite modern technology, Native Americans get credit for rain falling on Denver this week
77.  Ancient Chinese tomb may belong to the Wu clan. In lieu of Wu, perhaps the Liu clan. Tang is not involved
76.  The Romans third largest city, destroyed by Attila The Hun, is being uncovered in Italy
75.  Looters perforate Egyptian ground like swiss cheese, says Swiss archaeologist Cornelius von Pilgrim
74.  CSI Colorado tackles what killed 600 Nebraskan bison 10,000 years ago. Psst, it was boredom
73.  Nepalese student hid in wilderness for 2 weeks because she didn't want to go to work at ice cream parlor
72.  ESPN picks the No-Star team, which is not as interesting as AVN's Brown-Star team
71.  Supermax houses 400 of the worst prisoners in the country including Zacarias Moussaoui, Ramzi Yousef, Theodore Kaczynski & Terry Nichols. It is understaffed and Bush has denied it funding 4 times since 9/11
70.  How Washington helped to build Al Qaeda into a global threat
69.  Colorado Governor calls special session to re-address immigration, marrying 14 year olds, explain why he has a large head and narrow shoulders
68.  Tiffany's pays over $260,000 to settle allegations of defective rattles that caused no injuries
67.  Top 25 NHL free agents in line for Paris Hilton's services
66.  Rumors for tonights NBA draft does not include really stupid suits
65.  USA Today Preseason NFL picks are out, most of your teams still suck
64.  MLB endures plague of "flappage," the first outbreak since the '97 Porn Awards
63.  Girlfriend gives NHL goalie the glove hand after fling with Petri Dish
62.  Experts confident Revolutionary War ship captained by John Paul Jones can be found. Led Zeppelin tour less likely
61.  Avalanche goalie looks to go 5 hole on Paris Hilton. Or something
60.   Oldest building in Wales still sucks because it's Welsh
59.  Ashlee Simpson urges girls to have a strong self image, save up to have protruding skin and bone excised (Headline changed)
58.  The iconic symbol of English royal power has been found buried underneath Westminster Hall. It's a table
57.  Having solved all other problems, Spanish politicians to tackle apes' rights
56.  Woman finds 30 skulls pilfered from Indian burial ground in her attic, is pulled through fuzzy TV
55.  By the most tenuous of connections, Carmelo Anthony inadvertantly helped the Miami Heat get Shaquille O'Neal
54.  Danica Patrick whines because she is an IRL IndyCar driver, not because she's a woman
53.  Rubbing broccoli on your skin may prevent skin cancer
52.  Shawn Kemp tries out for Denver Nuggets, impregnates whole team
51.  Fire season in Colorado will be more interesting after all the fire copters head to Iraq
50.  Colorado Rockies embarrassed to be labeled as 'Christians'

The hidden dangers of belly fat, besides spending the night alone

48.  Video of Kiefer Sutherland tackling a Christmas tree surfaces
47.  NBA to overhaul playoff seeding because of a 1 year fluke, division winners can't coast or rest any longer
46.  It's Kidco all over again; Russell Stover Candies threaten to sue some kids over the use of the word "sampler" (Headline changed)
45.  Top 10 strangest sports scandal does not include David Wells' breast reduction surgery
44.  Tom Hanks best work does not include "Sleepless In Seattle" or the drunk uncle on Family Ties
43.  And now a question submitters girlfriend asks every night, "Is the Big Unit washed up?"
42.  Blackbeard's purported cannon to be raised, descendant clam to remain below
41.  Term limits have actually decreased the intelligence of the legislature, if that's possible
40.  Asshat drops 45 baby chicks off balcony for senior prank, robbing from them a life of cages and hormones
39.  We have secretly replaced this car thief’s regular .45 pistol with a pellet gun, let's see if 3 police officers notice the difference
38.  Joe Sakic passed Maurice Richard with the most overtime goals in NHL playoff history

Greek shipbuilders to create vessel using ancient methods and retrace the voyage of Jason and the Argonauts. Large claymation monster will be included later

36.  Some pictures from the 1st European pyramid, discovered in Bosnia, that gets less attention than movie star’s kids who have dumb names
35.  Archaeologist suspects some of the 30 skeletons had been buried alive before they were beheaded. Just think of the logistics
34.  Man does not have a picture taken at the summit of Mount Everest, loses car sales and files a lawsuit
33.  Vancouver Canucks fail to make the playoffs
32.  Police release picture of the suspect who shot Julius Hodge of the Denver Nuggets. It's a tire
31.  Korean scientists find substance that controls T-cells. Still no cure for AIDS
30.  Ciara and Bow Wow split over reports of dissatisfaction with Lil' Bow Wow
29.  Among the losers in the Colorado budget is Rep. Mark Larson, R-Cortez, who lost his bid to prevent circumcisions for poor people
28.  Fighting with helmets is dumb, especially if it's a swordfight
27.  After last night's win over the Lakers, Carmelo Anthony is 10 of 15 in game winning/tying shots, and is three short of Michael Jordan’s career mark
26.  Asshat who "accidently" smashed vases at a museum arrested
25.  Invoking the Pete Townsend defense, suspected child molester claims he was studying pedophiles and child porn for a manual for parents on how to prevent child sexual abuse
24.  Crusader for the suppression of critical thinking in the classroom to be honored in Washington, DC by a made up conservative group
23.   God and the founders: The early American government was not free of religion, but was not driven by religion
22.  Airport screeners nab 83 year old woman with a bomb in her depends
21.  In contrast to the two best college basketball players in the country, a list of sports figures who would never cry
20.  Hominid skull, thought to be intermediate between the earlier Homo erectus and the later Homo sapiens, found in Ethiopia. Validity to be challenged by Christian fundamentalists, many of whom are thought to be closet Homo sexuals
19.  Man gets additional 45 days in jail after "Tookie" Williams shirt is considered contempt of court. Good thing his shirt for Beaver Liquors was left at home
18.  Incan women sat on a stone phallus while priests poured corn beer on them, eschewing more popular conception method of pouring beer in them
17.  Colorado Rockies players and management shocked at 69 win prediction, vow to do their best to reach lofty goal

Star Jones almost died, suffering near cardiac arrest. She is a lawyer, and what that means is she almost had a heart attack

15. Republican Ethics Commitee chairman ousted by Republicans for investigating Republicans
14.  Discoveries at the home of Thomas Edison's rival include lung brush, flowbee and Didi 7
13.  OU student on park bench most likely blew himself up accidentally rather than on purpose, eschewing more popular method of being blown on park bench
12.  Scientists using satellites to find Mayan ruins have found hundreds of new sites (w/ pic)
11.  Richard Stamos wins "Dancing With the Stars." We know where all the talent in that family went
10.  Findings on Kennewick Man include he was tough as nails, he was deliberately buried, and he predates God putting fixed lights in the sky
9.  Colorado woman fulfills quest to see a hockey game in every NHL city
8.  Controversial Kenewick Man will be studied using methods you don't understand, and conclusions will be made that contradict the bible
7.  Justin Timberlake immersed himself as a tough guy with "NUTZ" tattooed on his knuckles, briefly forgot real life of nuts on chin
6.  Colorado the latest state attempting to stop trees from marrying donkeys
5.  Blackbeard's ship possibly found. Descendent clam found on board
4.  Religious trends for 2006 includes Bible illiteracy
3.  Garden in Britain reveals hoard of Bronze Age artefacts. The British spell the darndest things
2.  Jets fans are the worst on the Web -- excluding Raiders fans, of course, who are using their data ports to light up their Darth Vader skull bongs
1.  Killer's death sentence commuted to life after jurors were found to have used the Bible during deliberations

Contact Daniel James Davis, Esquire
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