Spiels- April 02
      -There is a fine line between clever and stupid

Random Thoughts- 



A question was asked of me last night by my friend Jessica.  It was, "Dan, what is the difference between hanging out and dating?"  After much pondering and emotional turmoil, I responded, "Dating is when you can see yourselves having sex in 6 months, while hanging out is when you can see yourselves having sex with someone else in 6 months."  Men are from Mars, my ass. 

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas..."- Emo Phillips


Mark Cafiero in the heezy fo sheezy:

Some very sad news became of this week when I brought my pride and joy
Jeep in to get looked at.  The poor thing has cancer of the engine and
only has about 3 months left of life.

Every Saturday evening I drive out to Colorado Springs for my weekly Pikes
Peak Marathon training run (which devastates me every time), but this week
I had to ride the Greyhound.  $14 bucks, twice the travel time, possible
exposure to head lice and a drop-off in the Colorado Springs Barrio, where
I awaited my sister's 45 minute late pick-up.  Not bad... at least I
didn't get head lice and I over heard a guy on the bus, Ozzie, who
apparently has the hook up for some great crank, 24-7.  I don't even know
what crank is, but it sounds pretty hard core.  I think if a little crank
would make the Greyhound ride a little more bearable, I just might have to
give Ozzie a call.

I wish I were Ash or Framio, with the plush soccer mommy wagons.  I hope I
can have a Canyonero some day, too. 

Here is a picture of Marks Jeep: 


QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."- Emo Phillips.


A new Friday The 13th movie comes out soon.  Jason, get this, comes back from the dead and kills kids in space.  That is crazy stuff.  At the end of all of those movies Jason is dead but kinda comes back.  I hope in this one that all the kids die and Jason lives.  That way in the next one Jason can be minding his own business when the kids come back to life and chase him and he gets real scared.  It would teach him a lesson.  Co-worker Matt says that is predictable, but if if it is, why haven't they done it.  Sheesh, Matt.

Yo Yo, I'd like to give a shout out to Julia and Pat and John on the Grind.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Lawrence Hill, I love that guy!"- Ex-Beatle Paul McCartney announcing the winner of the 1999 Best Video winner at the Mtv Video Music Awards for "That Thing.", obviously having no idea who Lauren Hill is.  By the way, she hates white people.  And not just albinos, ALL white people.


Man, I gotta say, this Lifetime channel crap is outta control.  They have A Baby Story, A Personal Story, A Wedding Story and A Dating Story.  Chicks dig stories, but not real life ones.  They wanna hear about the guy who sold out to his lady and has become the most sensitive man, and the greatest life partner, and produces the most darling kids.  That crap is boring.  I wanna see An Unwanted Pregnancy Story, or A One Night Stand Story, or A Divorce Story.  These have substance, not that fairytale crap that never happens to anyone you know.

Celebrity doubles:  Mel Kiper Jr., Matthew Perry.  Oh    My     God.


And I'm not even showing Matthew Perry at his fattest.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Diarrhea is hereditary.  It runs in the genes."-  Co-worker Matt, who ripped it off from somewhere.


Monday night I attended the Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young performance with my parents and brother.  The family that listens to hippie folk rock together, stays together.  The people there who were smoking the pot were not the people I expected.  The long hairs seemed mostly pot free, at least at the venue.  But the regular looking old people, they were the ones breaking out the joints.  When the lights came on and I could get a good look at them, the dope heads looked like members of the square community.  "Take your hate crimes elsewhere Narc" was the look they gave me when they noticed me staring, but they weren't so cavalier when I produced a 4 foot bong and a challenge.  Incidentally, the bong's name is Kermit.

Joint email accounts are so cute.  My roommate Frame and his girlfriend Rachel  have one at FramieAndRachelpoo@yahoo.com.  Drop'em a line, cuz they are precious.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "You all look like happy campers to me.  Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be."- Dan Quayle, addressing a group of Samoans.


Here's Pontiac Cafiero:

I had a dream last night that I was at my 10-year High School reunion.

I was in a classroom and was looking around at all the other people who I
went to High School with and just mostly checking out the hotties that
have developed since grajamitation.  Some developed nicely and some were
pretty bad - overweight and not very attractive.  There were some chicks
that were nerds in High School but where hot at the reunion.  I was glad
that I was nice to the nerds - I knew it would pay off because they were
flirting with me and if I wouldn't have woken up before the end of the
reunion, I bet I would have gotten laid.

After I woke up, I started to think about those daytime trash talk shows
where they have themes like , "I was once a NERD, but look at me NOW!"
where nerds were teased in high school, or even middle school or
elementary school!  Then, they spend the next 15 years of their life
working out and getting ripped so they can show the people who teased them
their muscles and scare them.  I wonder if some of the nerds in my
graduating class will be rock solid at our reunion.  

Hey Dan, you know who else gets mad about Tarantulas?  Bobby, from the
Brady Bunch.  He went to Hawaii and there was a tarantula in his bed.
This happend shortly before Greg wiped out on his surfboard and gave
everyone a scare.  They made it a "to be continued" episode.  I could not
sleep that night.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."- Shaquille O'Neal, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece. 


Fried Chicken.  Chicken Noodle Soup.  Fried Chicken Noodle Soup.  I'm gonna be rich.

Think you know me?  Take the test here. (sorry about the banners)

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I don't know any straight talking Republicans, do you?  I can't get a straight answer out of any Republicans.  I don't know what they're talking about."-  Bill O'Reilly, host of the O'Reilly Factor, in The Playboy Interview, May 2002.


A good example of people not learning from others mistakes is self tinting on automobiles.  How often do you see someone driving down the road with air bubbles all over the car's window tint?  Why would you attempt to tint your car yourself when so many others have proven it as an unworthy enterprise, and worthy of a couple hundred bucks (At the most. I did my 2 front windows for $25  each, no bubbles).  And why do people continue to tint the other windows when the first window looks like ass?  And why don't they peel it off, especially when the actual sticky tint to window surface ratio is negligible?  And why don't people take a needle and prick the tint to make a little air hole and squeeze the air out, since little pin prinks are better than big air bubbles.

I think "pal " really means asshole, not friend.  

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Robin Williams' aimless mélange of silly accents and outrageous mugging has long been mistaken for comedic brilliance."- Scott Tobias, Contributor to The Onion.

Contact Daniel James Davis, Esquire
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