Random Thoughts- 

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2/28/02

Apparently there is a new way to work out using some sort of shock belt on your body.  It gives your muscles electric shocks and apparently tones them up.  I was thinking this sounds like the workout for me, I can sit on the couch, eat some chips and work out all at once.  My roommate Ash (King Belly amongst all the roommates) says he thinks that the electric belt has to give you cancer or something, that it cooks you.  He doesn't trust it, but I think its probably ok  So we decided to buy some steaks and hook them up to the belt.  If the belt cooks the steaks, we know its bad news.  If it doesn't, we know it's ok.  And either way, we get a delicious dead animal meal rich in protein, iron, etc.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Work is the curse of the drinking classes."- Rev. William A. Spooner.

2/27/02

Why has Pepsi or Coke not looked into the baking soda market?  Some things just seem so easy to me.  Speaking of Pepsi, I hate that little spokesgirl, Holly Eisenberg.  If we ever need another chimp to test ride a rocket, I'm nominating her.  Besides, I've always wanted a pet monkey and it would be a shame to waste one.

I don't believe that a pun cannot be intended if somebody says, "no pun intended."  The fact that the person tells you "no pun intended" after making a pun shows that they knew the pun was there, had the chance to change what they were saying, did not change it, and therefore intended the pun regardless of their clumsy cover ups.  Bastards.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I wanted to go out with a winner and winning is what Oakland is all about."- Bill Romonowski after signing with the Oakland Gayders.  HAHAHA, that's a good one.  Winning?  Maybe 20 years ago.  Now it's all about choking and polyester.

2/25/02

The Denver Nuggets made a trade to clear cap room and plan for the future.  Many don't like the trade and say they are too weary to rebuild again.   To those who are short of heart , I say, "You are either with the Nuggets or you are with the terrorists."

I have given up alcohol for Lent (the forty days leading up to Easter).  I have given up just the alcohol that will make me happy, not rubbing alcohol or Scope.  While this newfound sobriety has opened my eyes to many wonderful things I have missed, I also miss many wonderful drinks.  Most of the people I know observing Lent have given up things like pop, sarcasm and chocolate.  I stand alone as King Lent Giver-Upper due to the nature of my choice.  My friends try to tell me it's ok to have a drink here or there, but if I falter then I will have lied to baby Jesus.  And lies make Baby Jesus cry.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Never Never Never......Never shake a baby."-  A bumper sticker I saw.  Something we all should know.

2/15/02

I'm not treading new ground here, but some of these Olympic sports just don't seem like sports to me.  The luge is one.  Getting in a sled and going down a pipe is nuts, but not sporty to me.  I guess you control the turns a little bit and it takes some skill.  It seems like the summer games counterpart to the luge would be to climb in a tire and roll down a hill, while leaning a little to change direction.  It be called "tiring" or maybe "the tuge".  It's dumb either way.

I am definitely rooting for team USA hockey to win, but it is hard to root for the individuals like Butt Hole or Mike Madonna.  I hate them and it's tough, man.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- Question to Kansas City Running Back Christain Okoye from Sports Illustrated.

Q:  Do the Broncos have your number, Christian?

A:  Do they have my number?  I don't know.  Do they have a guy with the number 35?

2/14/02

Is Valentines day for luva's?  Jackie says "No Duh!".



Valentines day is always hard for me.  I get lonely because in trying to figure out how to juggle my wife, girlfriend and mistress, I get stressed out and just end up sending them all flowers and saying I have to stay late at the office.  Then I make it up to each of them on separate nights the next week, usually by washing their hair, or making a scavenger hunt picnic, or maybe even blind folding them and rubbing fruit up and down their taught, expecting bodies.  Having so many loved ones is depressing.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "love stinks, yeah, yeah"- J. Geils Band.

2/13/02

The Fast and The Furious sequel is coming out.  It's called The Faster And The Furiouser.

A new ethnic hair style has been sweeping the land, and although it incorporates aspects of the black and white community, it is worn solely by members of the black community.  The new hair style is the Cornrow Mullet.  The best example of the cornrow mullet is Latrell Sprewell of the NY Knicks.  Cornrowed on top, party in the back.  Many basketball players sport this homogenous look, but I don't know all of them.  I am hopeful to put a gallery up soon.  this hairstyle shows how far race relations have come.  These players are taking the best of both worlds, putting them together and saying, "Enough is enough, down w/ rascism!"  But what it all comes down to is a mullet is still a mullet, even if you gussy it up with cornrows.

You can see the mullet hanging in the back.  Mullet requirements?  Short on top, long in  back.  Yep, it meet them.




QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Don't talk to me while I'm interrupting."- Director Michae Curtiz