I got a $1650.00 reimbursement from my work for some
classes I'm taking. That means I am going to Las Vegas soon. I
also got 2 boomboxes with tape and cd player from work as a
performance bonus. I gave 1 of them to Frame and he about creamed
his pants. I'm like Santa Claus to my less fortunate friends.
I actually saw an episode of Alf on tv yesterday. It was
awesome. I forgot how funny that show is. Alf, get this, likes
to eat cats. hahahaa. That is entertainment! But
if he tried to eat my cat Chuck he'd get his ass handed to him, because
Chuck can't be faded. Chuck rolls with the Rollin' 60's Alf Killa's
on the westside, bitch.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "The wackest crews try to dis, it makes me laugh,
when my track records longer than a DC20 aircraft."- Phife Dawg, A
Tribe Called Quest.
You know how some songs can just take you back to a
certain time, or conjure up certain feelings, or remind you of
someone. It's like you are all of a sudden transported back to a
different time and place. It is so surreal, you can almost taste it.
Every time I hear A Bitch Is A Bitch by NWA, I remember what it is like to
fall in love. Just kidding, actually Lost In Love by Air Supply would be
the appropriate choice. I'm A Liar by The Henry Rollins Band reminds
me of co-worker Matt Valdez..
Remember Time Life books on the occult and mysterious called Mysteries of
the Unknown? The commercial would say how twins could feel each
others pain from 1000's of miles away. Then a guy with a third eye
would leer at you. The examples always ended with,
"Coincidence? I think not. Read the book." I
wish I would have ordered those. Maybe then I wouldn't be so
confused all the time. Maybe I can buy the set on ebay.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Now Juantorena opens his legs-and really shows his
class."- David Coleman, broadcaster at 1976 Olympics.
Triscuit's are good. On Fear Factor I want the
people to have to get into one piece jumpsuits naked and fill the
jumpsuits with Triscuits. Then they have to hug each other tightly
and give each other Triscuit burns. I bet it would be like
sandpaper. The salt on the Triscuit's would burn their Triscuit
wounds. They probably wouldn't be afraid of it and would think it
would be harmless. That would be their first mistake.
If you are in the mood for a little brainwashing, go
to www.zombo.com, stare at the circles and make sure your speakers are up.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Your medical assistance is
cancelled beginning 9/24/84 because of your death."- Letter from the
Iowa Department of Human Services.
The Vagina Monologues is a smash hit play w/ women
talking about Vaginas. Here is the original Press release:
"I was worried about vaginas. I was worried about what we think
about vaginas, and even more worried that we don’t think about them…So
I decided to talk to women about their vaginas, to do vagina
interviews, which became vagina monologues. I talked with hundreds of
women. I talked to old women, young women, married women, single
women, lesbians, college professors, actors, corporate professionals,
sex workers, African American women, Hispanic women, Asian American
women, Native American women, Caucasian women, Jewish women. At first,
women were reluctant to talk. They were a little shy. But once they
got going, you couldn’t stop them."- The Vagina Monologues
creator Eve Ensler.
HERE HERE! It's about time people started talking about
VAGINAS. In the movie The Big Lebowski, Maude says the word alone
makes some men uncomfortable. VAGINA. Now we are all
comfortable. But we can't stop there. There is much more
progress to be made. We must move beyond the monologues, and that is why I
am suggesting The Vagina Dialogues. We can now talk about VAGINAS,
but now VAGINAS must talk to each other. Their shared
experiences will be a benefit to all, and we all must learn. I'm
sub-contracting the script out because I do not have a VAGINA, thus no
frame of reference.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "A zebra does not
change its spots."- Al Gore, describing George Bush in 1992
Jackie Please and her Man In Training, Ken
Darling appear to be engaged. Jackie was performing a ring tour to
the delight of squealing women throughout the office. I stole this
picture off my boss Johanna's desk. Jackie Please and Ken Darling
look like shiny happy people. It was fate that they found each
other. Jackie had an extra Avalanche ticket and asked me to go because she
knew I liked them, but I already had tickets. So she asked Ken
Darling, and ever since they have been making melodious love. Had I
not had tickets to that game and went with Jackie Please, I would have
been hit by a bus, or struck by lightning, because it was fate that they
start dating. Thank God I had tickets. Congratulations to the
Heck is where people go that don't believe in gosh.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "You are standing on the edge of a precipice that
will be a weight on your necks all the rest of your life."-
statement by a member of the Dublin Corporation.
My friend Chris (The
biggest Bronco's fan I know) says he is an Independent but he has
never voted for an Independent or a Democrat or anything but
Republican. So how can I respect his views when he is ashamed of
them. I say to Chris, "Stand up and be proud of your fascist
views, let the world see the conviction of your beliefs!" But
alas, Chris has no convictions, except maybe petty theft, I'm not sure
though. But to Chris' credit, he does like Bill Clinton a lot and
actually donated to The Bill Clinton Presidential Library. The tile
by the shitter has Chris' name on it. He also knows I can spank him
in any debate because he is a kindergarten baby.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Sometimes they don't smell too good, so love can
have no nose."- Tammy Faye Baker, Preaching about the poor.
Someone sent me an anonymous tip from justatip.com.
You can send people good and bad tips anonymously. For instance, I
sent one of my friends a tip he had a little pee pee. He knew it was
me and sent me the same one back. I know the tip I got is bullshit
because I meet none of the criteria, except the dressing fashionably
part. Lets face it, if it's new and hip, I was wearing it a month
ago. Word is bond. Here's the link to my tip, and below it is
what it says in case you don't want to go there.
"You are a good date because you are very funny, keep the
conversation going, advance sexual relations at a fast pace, have a nice
car, are extremely attractive, and dress fashionably."
My email is drnugget@ because
I like the Denver Nuggets. Not because I like chicken nuggets or
because I like testicles.
My friend Derek Smith's Wu-name is "Bilious Bad Janitah".
See the Wu-Name Generator in the Links section to
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I stand by all my misstatements."-
George W. Bush.
Ever notice that when a US president visits other
countries, people protest in the streets. Or in middle eastern countries
thousands of people congregate and chant things like "Death to the
great Satan, go back to hell". Then in America, other leaders
come and we don't give a shit? You know why? Because we can
kick all their asses. If we chanted, it would be like, "We
don't care about your dumb ass country, who cares if you stay or go, The
Sopranos are on". I guess Seattle had some riots for the G8
meeting a year ago, but those tree huggers are crazy.
I haven't slept well lately. About the last 3
nights or so. I toss and turn and roll around. Then my cat
Chuck starts crying. So then I take a sleeping pill. In the
morning I take some Vivarin because I'm tired. So now I'm like a
rock star, except no groupies, sex or music. I hope I don't die on
the toilet like Elvis.
Blue Velvet is a fucked up movie.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "It's unfair that it remain
empty and unspoiled."- Hugh Stone, developer of a proposed
subdivision, on delays in permits to begin construction.
According to a former co-worker, all women are psycho, it's
just the level of psychotic behavior they flex on you at any given
moment. Most women will tell you they are, in fact, not
psycho. I have an analogy for this. In the movie The Sixth
Sense, the dead people don't know they're dead.
I talk to people on the phone all day long at
my job (I am a Tier II Engineer at a telecommunications company,
programming PBX's and Switches is my specialty), and my boss Johanna says
I have a different voice when I talk to women than men. She says its
high and nicer. Could it be evolution has innately taught me that
around men I must be tough and around women I must be protecting and
reassuring? Or maybe subconsciously I'm thinking I'm gonna get
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I desire what is good. Therefore, everyone
who does not agree with me is a traitor."- George III of England.
That damn McDonald's Monopoly game is back. I
never win shit and end up w/ all those damn game pieces everywhere, plus
unredeemed ones for a free apple pie or coke. I feel like a jackass
redeeming something that is worth a buck. I'd give them to the
homeless people on the off ramps but I think they are embarrassed too.
My boss Johanna has a sassy hairdo. Very hip and
"with it". It has a pivot that makes the whole thing
happen. The pivot is on the left side, and the the hair there
sprouts all different directions. Its like a marching band.
All the players run crazy but end up in a pattern on the field that is
aesthetically pleasing. Her hair goes out from the pivot all crazy,
but ends up looking radical. View below.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Everyone who is for abortion was at one
time a feces."- Peter Grace in an introduction to a Ronald Reagan
Speech; quoted on National Public Radio by Jim
Insubordination is grounds for dismissal. If you aren't being
insubordinate, you must be subordinate. Being subordinate should be
grounds for a pay raise or promotion at some point, but its not. I
think its grounds for keeping your job. It's like they expect you to
do your job on the premise of getting paid, and that's it.
What kind of crap is that. If they want me to perform the job I
accepted at the wage I accepted, I need a little incentive.
Co-worker Matt got his license back today. He is the only person I
know who lost a license for something other than drunk driving. He
has never gone drinking and driving but he does 80 mph in school zones all
the time. He asked about radar detectors. I don't think his 6
months w/ a suspended license rehabilitated Matt as the courts thought it
I'd like to give a shout out to my homie Jian, who proposed to his special
lady of 9 years, Kim. You will be missed.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I desire the Poles carnally." President
Jimmy Carter, mistranslated in a speech in Poland.
Listen to this shit. France's highest court of
appeals, the Cour de Cessation has ruled in favor of 3 kids the right to
sue their parents for not aborting them. One had a deformed spinal
cord, and 2 were born with 1 arm. What the hell kind of crap is
that? Last year they ruled for a retarded boy who had not been
aborted. What can be awarded for that kind of claim. I think they
should be awarded a kick in the ass. Doctor's will now advise
prospective parents that anything that looks unusual should be aborted for
fear of lawsuits. Very Spartan of them. They want to have
never been born? Too bad, we are all here to suffer for
something. But I would willingly poke them in the eye with a coat
hanger if it made them feel better.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Stupidity is always astounding, no matter how
often one encounters it."- Filmmaker Jean Cocteau
I saw Battlefield Earth yesterday on HBO.
Thank god I didn't pay for that garbage. Bad everything.
Although I recommend it to anyone who can see it for free. John
Travolta is so damn bad it makes you cringe and feel sorry for him.
He is a Man-animal with a rat brain. Just goes to show the power The
Church of $cientology has. After brainwashing and ripping off their
cult members, they can push a 100 million dollar project known to be real
bad and bound to lose money thru production. Proof that Robert
Downey, Jr is still a sane and functional human being: John Travolta
offered him $cientology thru Narconon to get off drugs, and Downey said
no. Sharp as a tack, that guy is..
My mother left before I was born.
My dad says if I'm not in bed by 10pm, go home.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
death by a jackass- and I'm just the one to do it." a congressional
candidate in Texas, as reported by Massachusetts State Senator John F.
Old rap videos always have the DJ scratching on a
turntable hung around their neck. Wild Thing by Tone Loc is a good
example. Did this ever work? I want one. I bought
some turntables a couple years ago but I suck. I don't have time to
use them, but if I had one around my neck I could take it with me and
practice all the time.
I threw the movie Unbreakable on the ground and it
broke. Fucking liars.
I get more tail than a toilet seat.
My boss Johanna doesn't
like to mix different types of meat in her meals. For instance, a
bacon cheeseburger is out because of the cow and pig. Screw that, I
want as many dead animals on my plate as I can get. Gimme a bacon
cheeseburger cordon bleu philly cheesesteak sandwich with an extra side of
boullion cubes. I am to my boss Johanna as Charles Grodin is
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "We have only one person to
blame, and that's each other."- Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who
started a brawl during the NHL's Stanley Cup Playoffs.
Sub-workers Matt and Romeo don't like my website,
they say it sucks. I think they want the entire color palette
represented. The white and blue may not do it for them. I guess they
like colorful websites where you can't read the text because it's so busy
in the background. I will not compromise my artistic
integrity. All I know is when I sell out, I get the hell out.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "As people do better, they
start voting like Republicans...unless they have too much education and
vote Democratic, which proves there can be too much of a good
thing."- Karl Rove, George W. Bush's longtime political
advisor, in The Daily Texan, March 19, 2001.
My boss Johanna says I flipped her off 4 times
today. What a liar.
My other boss Jackie's Man In Training Ken found out I like the smell of
Freesia and sprayed some Freesia body spray on me. What a jerk
face. Now I can be smelled 5 cubes away. I like to smell
pretty, but not overpoweringly pretty. Shit.
I work with a woman named Teri Gary. Yeah, it
rhymes. She is a manager and when she walks down the aisle I point
and laugh at her. I am the only one who is brave enough to do
so. I think people are scared of her because she drives a Ford
Expedition and she knows how to use it. But I am not scared of her
because like all monsters, she has a weak spot. I know it and she
knows I know it. She lets me do whatever I want, and at the same
time I respect her monster qualities. Sure I know her weak spot, but
I still don't want to unleash the Cracken if I don't have to. Teri
Gary is scary.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "There shouldn't be hunger, at least hunger
unnecessarily of the people who would want otherwise to be
fed."- Robert Carlson, Office of Policy Development.
There's a couple of bands I listen to that are out of the
norm for me. I usually listen to underground hip hop (because I am
too snobby for mainstream hip hop) and classic rock. lately I have
been listening to bands like Dressy Bessy, Built To Spill, The Apples In
Stereo and Pigs On Corn. I've actually listened to Dressy Bessy for
awhile, they're kind of of happy poppish and Struck and I have seen them
numerous times. We started taking breaks between shows because we
were becoming groupies and it was getting embarrassing, but the last show
I saw on June 30th was really good. The other groups are good,
especially Pigs On Corn. They did the Dickwad soundtrack and The
Attack Hamster plays with them. He is incredible.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "That's the most unheard-of thing I ever heard
of."- Senator Joseph McCarthy, talking about a witness's
I'm writing a space movie kind of like Wing
Commander (w/ Freddie Prinze). Its about a battle for supremacy in
space and the combatants joust. I know it sounds like that Knights
Tale movie, but I think the space thing could push it over the top.
Mechanical space horses always reel in a crowd.
Former right wing hit man David Brock disclosed he
knowingly wrote false and negative material about Anita Hill, while
ignoring evidence against Clarence Thomas. What a surprise.
The road to hell is paved with right wing extremists. Boulder is
paved with bleeding liberals on bicycles hogging the road. The
Road to Xenu is paved w/ Scientologists.
Speaking of Boulder, I hate it. Some girl from the east coast told
me she was a native of Colorado because she lived in Boulder for 10
years. Hmmmmmm. That makes sense. Boulder used to be a
place that crazy people went to, now people go there to fake being
crazy. People I knew in high school went there normal and came back
all weird. Kids there beg for change for gas money for their Range
Rovers. The Peoples Republic Of Boulder must stand down.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I believe that mink are raised for being turned
into fur coats and if we didn't wear fur coats those little animals would
never have been born. So is it better not to have been born or to
have lived for a year or two to have been turned into a fur coat? I
don't know."- Barbi Benton, ex-Playboy bunny turned actress.
The other night I played a crazy game at my friend
Matt Struck's house. It used a camera on his computer and you played
volleyball against yourself. You take video of yourself playing and
then the computer uses that file footage as the opposing player. You
flail around while watching the screen to hit the ball and the computer
knows when you hit it, spike it, etc. It's very hard to explain, but
it's cool and I kicked my ass. It was like a workout except
fun. It was probably good for me since I don't work out.
I would lift weights but they are so damn heavy.
My boss Johanna thought I wore cologne to work but I don't. I just
scrub in the shower w/ the luscious scent of Freesia. I took a gay
test at TheSpark.com and turned out 27% gay and Johanna thought for sure
the Freesia would add to the score. It didn't though, the test
didn't even ask about body wash. Or my luffa. The test says
the typical guy is 37% gay, so I'm sitting pretty (no pun intended) on the
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Families is where our nation finds hope,
where wings take dream."- George W. Bush, victim of social
I tried to leave Greeley to come back to Denver on
the Fourth Of July when the following occurred over 2 days- My
starter on my Jeep went out, I stayed in Greeley an extra night, had to
get a hotel room, got woke up at 2am by the hotel clerk because American
Express declined my charge, woke up at 8 to get to my car, while staying
at a friends for the day I got locked out of my friends apartment with no
shoes, phone or wallet while she was at work, spent an hour at the
dealership because American Express declined me AGAIN for no reason, then
paid $410. usa usA uSA USA.
Some people are surprised to know I co-owned a
goat. Others are not surprised.
Am I classified as human? Negative, I am a meat popsicle.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I never let a ho pimp me."- Too Short.
Why do people go on hunger strikes? It takes weeks to see
the results and begin to affect people's consciousness. If you
really want to affect people for a cause, I would think an over-eating
strike would be more effective. Every meal you would over-eat and
then puke publicly for everyone to see. Puke on the sidewalk, in a
restaurant, wherever, as long as people could see. I think they
would remember your cause a lot better.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've
lost a very important part of your life."- Brooke Shields, said
to demonstrate why she would become spokesperson for a federal antismoking