Spiels- July 01
      -There is a fine line between clever and stupid

Random Thoughts- 



I got a $1650.00 reimbursement from my work for some classes I'm taking.  That means I am going to Las Vegas soon.  I also got 2 boomboxes with tape and cd player from work as a performance bonus.  I gave 1 of them to Frame and he about creamed his pants.  I'm like Santa Claus to my less fortunate friends.

I actually saw an episode of Alf on tv yesterday.  It was awesome.  I forgot how funny that show is.  Alf, get this, likes to eat cats.  hahahaa.  That is entertainment!  But if he tried to eat my cat Chuck he'd get his ass handed to him, because Chuck can't be faded.  Chuck rolls with the Rollin' 60's Alf Killa's on the westside, bitch.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "The wackest crews try to dis, it makes me laugh, when my track records longer than a DC20 aircraft."- Phife Dawg, A Tribe Called Quest.


You know how some songs can just take you back to a certain time, or conjure up certain feelings, or remind you of someone.  It's like you are all of a sudden transported back to a different time and place.  It is so surreal, you can almost taste it. Every time I hear A Bitch Is A Bitch by NWA, I remember what it is like to fall in love. Just kidding, actually Lost In Love by Air Supply would be the appropriate choice.  I'm A Liar by The Henry Rollins Band reminds me of co-worker Matt Valdez..

Remember Time Life books on the occult and mysterious called Mysteries of the Unknown?  The commercial would say how twins could feel each others pain from 1000's of miles away.  Then a guy with a third eye would leer at you.  The examples always ended with, "Coincidence?  I think not.  Read the book."  I wish I would have ordered those.  Maybe then I wouldn't be so confused all the time.  Maybe I can buy the set on ebay.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Now Juantorena opens his legs-and really shows his class."- David Coleman, broadcaster at 1976 Olympics.


Triscuit's are good.  On Fear Factor I want the people to have to get into one piece jumpsuits naked and fill the jumpsuits with Triscuits.  Then they have to hug each other tightly and give each other Triscuit burns.  I bet it would be like sandpaper.  The salt on the Triscuit's would burn their Triscuit wounds.  They probably wouldn't be afraid of it and would think it would be harmless.  That would be their first mistake. 

If you are in the mood for a little brainwashing, go to www.zombo.com, stare at the circles and make sure your speakers are up.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Your medical assistance is cancelled beginning 9/24/84 because of your death."- Letter from the Iowa Department of Human Services.


The Vagina Monologues is a smash hit play w/ women talking about Vaginas.  Here is the original Press release:

"I was worried about vaginas. I was worried about what we think about vaginas, and even more worried that we don’t think about them…So I decided to talk to women about their vaginas, to do vagina interviews, which became vagina monologues. I talked with hundreds of women. I talked to old women, young women, married women, single women, lesbians, college professors, actors, corporate professionals, sex workers, African American women, Hispanic women, Asian American women, Native American women, Caucasian women, Jewish women. At first, women were reluctant to talk. They were a little shy. But once they got going, you couldn’t stop them."- The Vagina Monologues creator Eve Ensler.

HERE  HERE!  It's about time people started talking about VAGINAS.  In the movie The Big Lebowski, Maude says the word alone makes some men uncomfortable.  VAGINA.  Now we are all comfortable.  But we can't stop there.  There is much more progress to be made. We must move beyond the monologues, and that is why I am suggesting The Vagina Dialogues.  We can now talk about VAGINAS, but now VAGINAS must talk to each other.  Their shared experiences will be a benefit to all, and we all must learn.  I'm sub-contracting the script out because I do not have a VAGINA, thus no frame of reference.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "A zebra does not change its spots."- Al Gore, describing George Bush in 1992


Jackie Please and her Man In Training,  Ken Darling appear to be engaged.  Jackie was performing a ring tour to the delight of squealing women throughout the office.  I stole this picture off my boss Johanna's desk.  Jackie Please and Ken Darling look like shiny happy people.  It was fate that they found each other. Jackie had an extra Avalanche ticket and asked me to go because she knew I liked them, but I already had tickets.  So she asked Ken Darling, and ever since they have been making melodious love.  Had I not had tickets to that game and went with Jackie Please, I would have been hit by a bus, or struck by lightning, because it was fate that they start dating.  Thank God I had tickets.  Congratulations to the betrothed.

Heck is where people go that don't believe in gosh.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "You are standing on the edge of a precipice that will be a weight on your necks all the rest of your life."-  statement by a member of the Dublin Corporation.


My friend Chris (The biggest Bronco's fan I know) says he is an Independent but he has never voted for an Independent or a Democrat or anything but Republican.  So how can I respect his views when he is ashamed of them.  I say to Chris, "Stand up and be proud of your fascist views, let the world see the conviction of your beliefs!"  But alas, Chris has no convictions, except maybe petty theft, I'm not sure though.  But to Chris' credit, he does like Bill Clinton a lot and actually donated to The Bill Clinton Presidential Library.  The tile by the shitter has Chris' name on it.  He also knows I can spank him in any debate because he is a kindergarten baby.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Sometimes they don't smell too good, so love can have no nose."- Tammy Faye Baker, Preaching about the poor.


Someone sent me an anonymous tip from justatip.com.  You can send people good and bad tips anonymously.  For instance, I sent one of my friends a tip he had a little pee pee.  He knew it was me and sent me the same one back.  I know the tip I got is bullshit because I meet none of the criteria, except the dressing fashionably part.  Lets face it, if it's new and hip, I was wearing it a month ago.  Word is bond.  Here's the link to my tip, and below it is what it says in case you don't want to go there.


"You are a good date because you are very funny, keep the conversation going, advance sexual relations at a fast pace, have a nice car, are extremely attractive, and dress fashionably."

My email is drnugget@ because I like the Denver Nuggets.  Not because I like chicken nuggets or because I like testicles.

My friend Derek Smith's Wu-name is "Bilious Bad Janitah".  See the Wu-Name Generator in the Links section to get yours.

QUOTE OF THE DAY-  "I stand by all my misstatements."- George W. Bush.


Ever notice that when a US president visits other countries, people protest in the streets. Or in middle eastern countries thousands of people congregate and chant things like "Death to the great Satan, go back to hell".  Then in America, other leaders come and we don't give a shit?  You know why?  Because we can kick all their asses.  If we chanted, it would be like, "We don't care about your dumb ass country, who cares if you stay or go, The Sopranos are on".  I guess Seattle had some riots for the G8 meeting a year ago, but those tree huggers are crazy.

I haven't slept well lately.  About the last 3 nights or so.  I toss and turn and roll around.  Then my cat Chuck starts crying.  So then I take a sleeping pill.  In the morning I take some Vivarin because I'm tired.  So now I'm like a rock star, except no groupies, sex or music.  I hope I don't die on the toilet like Elvis.

Blue Velvet is a fucked up movie.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "It's unfair that it remain empty and unspoiled."- Hugh Stone, developer of a proposed subdivision, on delays in permits to begin construction.


According to a former co-worker, all women are psycho, it's just the level of psychotic behavior they flex on you at any given moment.  Most women will tell you they are, in fact, not psycho.  I have an analogy for this.  In the movie The Sixth Sense, the dead people don't know they're dead. 

I talk to people on the phone all day long at my job (I am a Tier II Engineer at a telecommunications company, programming PBX's and Switches is my specialty), and my boss Johanna says I have a different voice when I talk to women than men.  She says its high and nicer.  Could it be evolution has innately taught me that around men I must be tough and around women I must be protecting and reassuring?   Or maybe subconsciously I'm thinking I'm gonna get some.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I desire what is good.  Therefore, everyone who does not agree with me is a traitor."- George III of England.


That damn McDonald's Monopoly game is back.  I never win shit and end up w/ all those damn game pieces everywhere, plus unredeemed ones for a free apple pie or coke.  I feel like a jackass redeeming something that is worth a buck.  I'd give them to the homeless people on the off ramps but I think they are embarrassed too.

My boss Johanna has a sassy hairdo.  Very hip and "with it".  It has a pivot that makes the whole thing happen.  The pivot is on the left side, and the the hair there sprouts all different directions.  Its like a marching band.  All the players run crazy but end up in a pattern on the field that is aesthetically pleasing.  Her hair goes out from the pivot all crazy, but ends up looking radical.  View below.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Everyone who is for abortion was at one time a feces."- Peter Grace in an introduction to a Ronald Reagan Speech; quoted on National Public
Radio by Jim Angle.


Insubordination is grounds for dismissal.  If you aren't being insubordinate, you must be subordinate.  Being subordinate should be grounds for a pay raise or promotion at some point, but its not.  I think its grounds for keeping your job.  It's like they expect you to do your job on the premise of getting paid, and that's it.   What kind of crap is that.  If they want me to perform the job I accepted at the wage I accepted, I need a little incentive.

Co-worker Matt got his license back today.  He is the only person I know who lost a license for something other than drunk driving.  He has never gone drinking and driving but he does 80 mph in school zones all the time.  He asked about radar detectors.  I don't think his 6 months w/ a suspended license rehabilitated Matt as the courts thought it would.

I'd like to give a shout out to my homie Jian, who proposed to his special lady of 9 years, Kim.  You will be missed. 

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I desire the Poles carnally."  President Jimmy Carter, mistranslated in a speech in Poland.


Listen to this shit.  France's highest court of appeals, the Cour de Cessation has ruled in favor of 3 kids the right to sue their parents for not aborting them.  One had a deformed spinal cord, and 2 were born with 1 arm.  What the hell kind of crap is that?  Last year they ruled for a retarded boy who had not been aborted. What can be awarded for that kind of claim.  I think they should be awarded a kick in the ass.  Doctor's will now advise prospective parents that anything that looks unusual should be aborted for fear of lawsuits.  Very Spartan of them.  They want to have never been born?  Too bad, we are all here to suffer for something.  But I would willingly poke them in the eye with a coat hanger if it made them feel better.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Stupidity is always astounding, no matter how often one encounters it."- Filmmaker Jean Cocteau


I saw Battlefield Earth yesterday on HBO.  Thank god I didn't pay for that garbage.  Bad everything.  Although I recommend it to anyone who can see it for free.  John Travolta is so damn bad it makes you cringe and feel sorry for him.  He is a Man-animal with a rat brain.  Just goes to show the power The Church of $cientology has.  After brainwashing and ripping off their cult members, they can push a 100 million dollar project known to be real bad and bound to lose money thru production.  Proof  that Robert Downey, Jr is still a sane and functional human being:  John Travolta offered him $cientology thru Narconon to get off drugs, and Downey said no.  Sharp as a tack, that guy is..

My mother left before I was born.

My dad says if I'm not in bed by 10pm, go home.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass- and I'm just the one to do it." a congressional candidate in Texas, as reported by Massachusetts State Senator John F. Parker.


Old rap videos always have the DJ scratching on a turntable hung around their neck.  Wild Thing by Tone Loc is a good example.  Did this ever work?  I want one.   I bought some turntables a couple years ago but I suck.  I don't have time to use them, but if I had one around my neck I could take it with me and practice all the time.  

I threw the movie Unbreakable on the ground and it broke.  Fucking liars.

I get more tail than a toilet seat.

My boss Johanna doesn't like to mix different types of meat in her meals.  For instance, a bacon cheeseburger is out because of the cow and pig.  Screw that, I want as many dead animals on my plate as I can get.  Gimme a bacon cheeseburger cordon bleu philly cheesesteak sandwich with an extra side of boullion cubes.  I am to my boss Johanna as Charles Grodin is to Beethoven.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "We have only one person to blame, and that's each other."- Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a brawl during the NHL's  Stanley Cup Playoffs.


Sub-workers Matt and Romeo don't like my website, they say it sucks.  I think they want the entire color palette represented.  The white and blue may not do it for them. I guess they like colorful websites where you can't read the text because it's so busy in the background.  I will not compromise my artistic integrity.  All I know is when I sell out, I get the hell out.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "As people do better, they start voting like Republicans...unless they have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves there can be too much of a good thing."-  Karl Rove, George W. Bush's longtime political advisor, in The Daily Texan, March 19, 2001.


My boss Johanna says I flipped her off 4 times today.  What a liar.

My other boss Jackie's Man In Training Ken found out I like the smell of Freesia and sprayed some Freesia body spray on me.  What a jerk face.  Now I can be smelled 5 cubes away.  I like to smell pretty, but not overpoweringly pretty.  Shit.

I work with a woman named Teri Gary.  Yeah, it rhymes.  She is a manager and when she walks down the aisle I point and laugh at her.  I am the only one who is brave enough to do so.  I think people are scared of her because she drives a Ford Expedition and she knows how to use it.  But I am not scared of her because like all monsters, she has a weak spot.  I know it and she knows I know it.  She lets me do whatever I want, and at the same time I respect her monster qualities.  Sure I know her weak spot, but I still don't want to unleash the Cracken if I don't have to.  Teri Gary is scary.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "There shouldn't be hunger, at least hunger unnecessarily of the people who would want otherwise to be fed."-  Robert Carlson, Office of Policy Development.


There's a couple of bands I listen to that are out of the norm for me.  I usually listen to underground hip hop (because I am too snobby for mainstream hip hop) and classic rock.  lately I have been listening to bands like Dressy Bessy, Built To Spill, The Apples In Stereo and Pigs On Corn.  I've actually listened to Dressy Bessy for awhile, they're kind of of happy poppish and Struck and I have seen them numerous times.  We started taking breaks between shows because we were becoming groupies and it was getting embarrassing, but the last show I saw on June 30th was really good.  The other groups are good, especially Pigs On Corn.  They did the Dickwad soundtrack and The Attack Hamster plays with them.  He is incredible.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "That's the most unheard-of thing I ever heard of."-  Senator Joseph McCarthy, talking about a witness's testimony.


I'm writing a space movie kind of like Wing Commander (w/ Freddie Prinze).  Its about a battle for supremacy in space and the combatants joust.  I know it sounds like that Knights Tale movie, but I think the space thing could push it over the top.  Mechanical space horses always reel in a crowd.

Former right wing hit man David Brock disclosed he knowingly wrote false and negative material about Anita Hill, while ignoring evidence against Clarence Thomas.  What a surprise.  The road to hell is paved with right wing extremists.  Boulder is paved with bleeding liberals on bicycles hogging the road.   The Road to Xenu is paved w/ Scientologists.

Speaking of Boulder, I hate it.  Some girl from the east coast told me she was a native of Colorado because she lived in Boulder for 10 years.  Hmmmmmm.  That makes sense.  Boulder used to be a place that crazy people went to, now people go there to fake being crazy.  People I knew in high school went there normal and came back all weird.  Kids there beg for change for gas money for their Range Rovers. The Peoples Republic Of Boulder must stand down.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I believe that mink are raised for being turned into fur coats and if we didn't wear fur coats those little animals would never have been born.  So is it better not to have been born or to have lived for a year or two to have been turned into a fur coat?  I don't know."- Barbi Benton, ex-Playboy bunny turned actress.


The other night I played a crazy game at my friend Matt Struck's house.  It used a camera on his computer and you played volleyball against yourself.  You take video of yourself playing and then the computer uses that file footage as the opposing player.  You flail around while watching the screen to hit the ball and the computer knows when you hit it, spike it, etc.  It's very hard to explain, but it's cool and I kicked my ass.  It was like a workout except fun.  It was probably good for  me since I don't work out.  I would lift weights but they are so damn heavy.

My boss Johanna thought I wore cologne to work but I don't.  I just scrub in the shower w/ the luscious scent of Freesia.  I took a gay test at TheSpark.com and turned out 27% gay and Johanna thought for sure the Freesia would add to the score.  It didn't though, the test didn't even ask about body wash.  Or my luffa.  The test says the typical guy is 37% gay, so I'm sitting pretty (no pun intended) on the non-gay tip.  

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."-  George W. Bush, victim of social promotion. 


I tried to leave Greeley to come back to Denver on the Fourth Of July when the following occurred over 2 days-  My starter on my Jeep went out, I stayed in Greeley an extra night, had to get a hotel room, got woke up at 2am by the hotel clerk because American Express declined my charge, woke up at 8 to get to my car, while staying at a friends for the day I got locked out of my friends apartment with no shoes, phone or wallet while she was at work, spent an hour at the dealership because American Express declined me AGAIN for no reason, then paid $410.  usa usA uSA USA.

Some people are surprised to know I co-owned a goat.  Others are not surprised.

Am I classified as human?  Negative, I am a meat popsicle.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I never let a ho pimp me."- Too Short.


Why do people go on hunger strikes?  It takes weeks  to see the results and begin to affect people's consciousness.  If you really want to affect people for a cause, I would think an over-eating strike would be more effective.  Every meal you would over-eat and then puke publicly for everyone to see.  Puke on the sidewalk, in a restaurant, wherever, as long as people could see.  I think they would remember your cause a lot better.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Smoking kills.  And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."-  Brooke Shields, said to demonstrate why she would become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign.

Contact Daniel James Davis, Esquire
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