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6/18/02

In the past month or so, I think we have all seen something that is really scary.  It has to do with folding up a $20 dollar bill and the war on terra.  If you haven't been made aware let me recap:

When folded a certain way, the $20 dollar bill appears to depict the World Trade Center with Flames coming out of the top.  View here.

From this same point, if you turn the bill over, the bill appears to show the Pentagon with a piece missing in the middle replaced by flames.  View here.

Most people stop there because of how frightening this is.  But co-worker Brandon continued and ran into the worst of all. Nothing is safe from these devils.   I can't even begin to describe the horror of it, but if you unfold the bill at this point, this is what you see.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."- Oscar Wilde

6/17/02

Listen up Skinny's, here's Mark Cafiero:

It's been a while since I have done a guest spiel, so I will be sure to
make this one nice and long.

I've been a little pissed off lately.  My older sister informed me that if
I were badly obese, I would look like attorney Frank Azar, the ugliest
person in the world.  What did I do to deserve this verbal abuse?

Anyway, I have had two near death experiences in one weekend.  Last
Saturday morning, I went on my usual early AM run up Green Mountain here
in Boulder.  About 5 minutes from the summit, I came around a blind
switchback and right in the middle of the trail was... A BEAR!!!  I was
pretty psyched, but then he stood up on his hind legs and started looking
like Big Foot.  Well, I responded by flexing my bicep and I said, "Think
you can handle... THIS?!?" and the beast turned around and ran like a
girl.  OK, the biceps thing never happened, I apologize for lying... but I
did see a Bear - scary.

Speaking of liars, I have a good friend who lies a lot.  I won't say Eric
Shappel's name, 'cause that's just not right, but Eric Shappel once told
me he was invited to a party by David Hasselhoff... but he didn't go,
because he already made plans with his dad.  Oh yeah, another one of his
stories was when he saw a horrible car crash, and was there before the
ambulance came.  In one mangled car, was a hot chick and he started
working with her, doing a little medical work.  Finally the ambulance came
and saw that he was doing such a good job on the injured hotty, they
said, "You keep working on her... we'll take care of the rest of the
scene!".  At the end of all this, the girl gave Eric her phone number, but
he didn't call her back because his interest was really and sincerely
only in regard to her safety.  I love how Eric pridefully refused
Hasellhoff's party and the hotty's phone number. 

Oh... so my other near death experience... after my encounter with the
bear, I drove out to the Royal Gorge to guide a couple trips down the
river.  My trip on Sat went fine, but on Sunday, I had some borderline
horrible paddlers on my boat, and the way it works is I call paddle
commands and my crew will paddle hard.  My crew liked to "lilly dip",
rather than paddle hard, so we ended up in a bad position in Sunshine
Falls, a rapid that has claimed many a life, and our boat flipped, not
once, but TWICE in the same rapid.  Everyone had brutal swims and we all
drank a lot of water, got sucked into hydraulics and bashed into rocks.  I
even had a swimmer's burp at the end.  You know when you go to the local
pool and a little rugrat swallows some water and then starts coughing.  I
can always tell it will end in a big burp.  Yeah, I had one of those.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you."- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts.

6/05/02

I think your children's names can make or break what kind of people they turn out to be.  But at this point it is just a hypothesis and an experiment is in order.  Going forward, first I need to find a woman who loves me enough to let me name the children without her input.  While I can't even meet a woman, let alone one who will let me mess her kid's names, I am confident a weak minded, insecure woman will come along who needs a fantastic individual such as myself.  The next step is of course is to copulate. To the lay (pun!) person this would mean to engage in coitus.  Twice even, unless 2 swimmers are willing to share 1 ovum. Next comes the naming and I have settled on 2 names which may or may not shape the children's lives.  The first child will be named Game Winner Davis, and the next child will be named Anonymous Davis. Both will be treated the same by myself and the woman, but I believe society will shape them into 2 very different individuals.  If there is a 3rd, it will be named Tyrone.

Last month was my 1 year anniversary for this site.  Since none of my 3 readers wrote to congratulate me, I can only assume the position of a jilted whiny bitch.  I hate you for what you did to me.

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."- Woody Allen.