Ok, I haven't written in awhile. But I've been
busy. I bought a condo and moved in. My brother John
graduated from High School, and the Av's are taking the Maxi
Pads, oops, I mean Red Wings to 7 games. I moved from Englewood
(Engle-WHAT, Engle-Hood, but not quite A-town ((Aurora)) ) to Denver
(D-Town) ((WHAT WHAT)). The best part about this transition is the
cable. I now get the Denver public access channels. The
production isn't that great, but the content is muy hilarioso. (I am
down with my hispanic brothers now). It's usually either some
religious person, or a gay program. While neither really hit the
spot, the people themselves are damn funny. They can talk for a half
hour about the biggest load of shit. Anyone in a speech program
should watch them b.s., take notes, and all will be fine.
Back to my brother"s Graduation. I know everyone says girls
didn't look like that when they were in high school....but they
didn't. He had a party, and many luscious girls were there.
But then again, I did have 5 beers, so maybe they were all hood
rats. My bro says him and his friend Pat will bring me House Warming
Cupcakes soon. I hope so.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "My eye's are stinking."- Ryan
I decided I want to start
working at a grocery store...
Not Safeway though, because I know the managers make the checkout people
do all sorts of stupid shit, like "always thank the customer by
their name on the safeway card receipt and say, 'Thank you Mr. / Ms.
Name>' and smile real big, now". Well, I hate that, even
being on the
receiving end. Some of it has to do with the fact that the white
data entry punk who entered my data off the application I filled out
thought it would be funny to make my name appear as "Mark
which, conveniently enough was my stupid nickname (Thanks to Mike Lund and
Ben Wood) all throughout College.
So I am at Safeway this morning, buying my usual breakfast of 8oz of deli
turkey and an orange (yeah, I like to have that for breakfast - you have a
problem with that???) and the lady is like, "Thank you Mr. Caffeine,
lucky you... you have been selected to receive an additional 5% off of
your next shopping visit". I was probably already at the
door by the time she was finished with her little speech. I don't
have to play the fool by working (or shopping!) at Safeway.
I could work at King Soopers, but the people who bag the groceries there
always have something weird going on, either they are retarded, or just
plain ugly. That will not make me look very good when some fine
stop in to buy their rice cakes and soy milk, and I suddenly have this
weird looking bagger side-kick. That's a great way to kill my mojo.
Then there's Albersons - people that work there seem generally better, but
the only people who SHOP at Albertsons are trailer folk and all sorts of
other misfits. No good looking women there.
Hmmm I don't think I want to work at a grocery store anymore.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Everybody
plays the fooool, some tiiiiiimes. It may be factual it may be
cruel, (listen baaaaaby!) Just use your hart like a tool. (I
aint lyen') Everybody plaaaay the fool." ( Dee dah dah dit! (Dee dah
dah Dit>)Wooo Wooo-oooooh-oooooh))- Aaron Neville
I went to a preview showing of Episode 2: Attack Of The Clones
yesterday. It was for charity and Ash's
company donated some dough, gave the tickets to Ash,
who in turn let me and my brother John
go. Here's the deal: Anakin is a dick who is creepy most of
the time, Yoda is quick like a cat and has a sweet lightsaber battle with
Count Dooku, Anakin's arm gets cut off (just like his son's does) by Count
Dooku, Natalie Portman is hot as hell and that white outfit is
tight. No really, it's very tight, almost looks un-breathable.
Janga Fett, Boba's dad gets decapitated by Mace Windu (Sammy
Jackson). My brother John says
Mace Windu's lightsaber says "Bad Motherfucker", and I believe
him. A bunch of Jedi die in an arena, then Anakin and Amidala get
hitched. When you get hitched that young, you know its gonna be
Oh, I forgot, the above paragraph is an extreme spoiler. If you
don't want to know, don't read the above.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Luminous
beings we are, not this crude matter"- Yoda
puts it all in perspective for us:
If anyone is driving through Boulder, I just want to give you a heads up
about something very disturbing that you might see.
Off the Table Mesa exit, by the curb, there is a cute little squirrel that
has passed away. He's not smashed or anything. Just
laying there. Do
not look at him, because it will just bring tears to your eyes. My
sinks every time I drive by the little fella'. He was probably just
bringing home some nuts for his friends and family and somehow passed away
on his way home.
I bet he was at the threshold of his adulthood where he was going out to
gather nuts for the first time. His proud family and friends are
still wondering where he is and hoping not for the worst. Poor
probably had a long life ahead of him, too. That's what bothers me
It's another innocent squirrel life taken by the ways of our busy society
of automobiles and general civilization. I am sure he will be
all of his companions and my heart and prayers go out to him and everyone
else who shares this mournful loss.
It's very sad. Call me if you can use some emotional support.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "http://www.scarysquirrel.org/"-
I found this site about squirrels.
I believe all rock bands that use an orchestra have
officially become pompous and obsolete. When a group like Metallica
puts that crap out, it's time to get the hell out. I think they feel
they somehow need to legitimize their music to the mainstream and upper
crust elite, even though 10 years ago they said, "fuck the
mainstream" as they played shitty music in their garage. You never
see orchestra's getting together with a rock band to perform Beethoven or
Mozart to legitimize themselves to the grody metal dirtheads.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "The depressing thing
about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a
wall."- Mitch Hedberg.
My friend Mark
shares some cooking secrets:
Today I want to submit some recipes as my guest spiel:
1. Recipe for a good marriage:
1 cup understanding
2 cups warmth
a splash of kisses
1 hummer in the car on the way to a ski trip
a dash of poon-tang
2. Cafiero's Spicy and Poon-Tangy BBQ Chicken Titty Sandwich!
1 skinless, boneless chicken boobie (breast)
some crushed red pepper
a dash of salt
black ground pepper
1 George Foreman Lean-Mean-Fat-Reducing Grilling
Bun (I prefer an onion bun! Mmmm)
Directions: Take the chicken boobie and thaw it out if it's frozen.
both sides of the boob, dash with salt, crushed red pepper, garlic salt
and black pepper.
Now, throw the chicken boobie on the George Foreman Lean-Mean-Fat-Reducing
Grilling machine. Cook for about 10 minutes. Toast the bun if
and place the boobie on the bun. Add some fat-free mayo, lettuce,
onion and BBQ sauce. Eat. Be careful, cause it's kind of
spicy, but the
BBQ sauce makes it nice and poon- tangy!
Tip: I like to microwave a potato for 6 minutes, then slice it up
the boob is cooking. Then, when the boob is done, throw the slices
potato on the G.F.L.M.F.R.G.M. for some nice grill marks.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I'm
at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've
just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."- Rodney Dangerfield.
I went to the Avalanche playoff game on Wednesday,
and they got smoked. Thats ok, they'll be back. A lot of people wore
jersey's with their favorite player's name on the back. I like
Avalanche Coach Bob Hartley, so I wore a suit with "Hartley" on
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "What's
another word for thesaurus?"- Steven Wright.
blows some steam:
Still trying to figure out if "Speel" is
spelled S-P-I-E-L or S-P-E-I-L.
When I was in elementary school, I think my teachers thought I was
autistic or something, but I taught them a free lesson. Just 'cause
have ADD, doesn't mean I can't spell like a mo-fo.
It was the fifth grade, near the end of the year and the class was having
a spelling bee. I tell ya what, I kicked all the kids aisses in my
and WON that bitch. Then they sent me to compete against the winners
the other 5th grade classes - kicked their asses, too. I was the 5th
grade CHAMPION! I was then qualified to participate with the entire
elementary school a week later. A grueling week of training went by
guess what. WINNER. I kid you not, I out-spelled every mo-fo
entire school, including all those bad-ass sixth graders!
Two weeks later, it was regionals. I competed against some of the
toughest, nerdiest spellers in the region. Made it three
rounds, until I
was hit the the word I will never forget... PHYSICIAN. Son of a
used a T where the C goes.
My mom was still proud of me and we went to Bennigans for some bubble gum
ice cream that very night.
I KICK ASS... don't you forget it!
P.S. Dan, why do you try to make a fool out of me by posting some
neon green / white jeep with a spoiler on the front of the roof? The
that you have a nice, ritzy-titzy GRAND Cherokee, yet still make a mockery
of my ride, is LOW... real LOW, brotha'. Just for the record, that
my Jeep. Shit.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "If God did not want us to eat animals, why did he
make them out of meat?"- Mark chose this quote, although I do not
know who originally said it.