Monkey Of The Week
Denver Nuggets Potpourri
My Survivor Application
My Ex-Boss/Friend Johanna and Jackie Please
My teeth are sensitive to cold stuff so I rarely eat
ice cream and Popsicles and Otter Pops and stuff. This also means I
need a straw for my iced beverages. I bought a box of them at the
store and they happened to be the bendy ones, but it wasn't on purpose, I
didn't even know. They bend about 4/5th's of the way to the top for
that really lazy person who can't lift their head 3 more inches.
Aaaaaanyway, my friend Becca saw
them and thinks I got them because I am child-like. Lately she has
been offering to take me to Chucky Cheese and the zoo. Either I am
her court mandated community service or she wants to get into my diaper.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "My parents used to
beat the shit out of me. And, looking back on it, I'm glad they did. I'm
looking forward to beating the shit out of my own kids, for no reason
whatsoever."- Denis Leary.
Well, bless her heart. My sister has just
gotten engaged for marital
matrimony or... however you say it.
Dan, it would just do my heart well if you could honor my sister and her
man by posting these engagement pictures
I shot of them. Thanks!
And this spiel is looking short, so I better add a peom to make it more
speil-worthy (this one is really creative - you'll like it!):
Weddings, by Mark Cafiero
Wedding to me seem really complicated
Will i have a wedding or just elope, I bet will be debated.
My wife's father will have to pay for all sorts of stuff
I think of that, and man, that is really really tough.
If you elope,a phony Elvis will do it for thirty bucks.
But you're away from all the loved ones and that really sucks.
At the wedding, everyone sheds a tear,
but in Vegas, you can marry, then grab a beer.
See, I told you it would be debated.
Weddings, by Mark Cafiero
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Garden of the Gods, God speaking..."
-God, answering the phone in some old movie that had
Steve Martin in it
(since you posted a picture at the Garden of the Gods.)
Many people don't mean to go into showbiz or hit it
big in the entertainment fields. They are "discovered" by
accident by someone with some sort of pull somewhere. For instance,
Janeane Garafalo was "discovered" in a coffee shop by Ben
Stiller. I guess she was smoking and bitching and Ben saw that she
did it in a special way. But there is also the bad
"discovered". That's when you are already a celebrity and
get caught beating off, a la Pee Wee Herman and George
Michael. I used to want to be "discovered", but now
I'm not so sure.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- From Pee Wee's Big Adventure (A personal favorite):
Francis- "Shut up."
Pee Wee- "Make me."
Francis- "Why don't you make me?"
Pee Wee- "Because, I don't make monkeys, I train'em"
Another poem for that-ass, by Mark
Food, by Mark Cafiero
In a dream I recently had,
I was in the kitchen and I was getting mad,
The fridge was empty, the cupboards, too
I can't believe I was playing tha' foo.
Then all of the sudden, to my disbelief
I was so surprised, what chattered was my teeth
I turned around and guess what happened
I saw an angel or something, at least a friend
She had this big-ass wand with a pickle at the tip
and waved it around and next thing ya know I began to trip.
The room was spinning and there were lots of swirly lights
Felt like I was in the laundry, a dryer full of whites.
Next thing ya know, I was back in the kitchen
There was food all around, now that was way bitchin'
There was steak and spaghetti, pizza and fries
I looked at the smorgasbord and couldn't believe my eyes.
Eggplant parmesan, fried chicken and candy
I thought to myself, "Man, I'm feeling quite dandy"
I decided not to waste any more time
So far in this poem, everything has good rhyme.
I dived into the mashed po-taters
Dove in so deep, I shouted out, "Laters!"
I realize that "dived" isn't really a word
but it's my poem, you see, what you hear should be heard.
So then I was done, and I was all messy
And then I woke up and was glad it was a dream, because all that food is
really unhealthy and I really try to eat better than that.
Food, by Mark Cafiero
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "If toast always lands
butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you
strap toast on the back of a cat and drop
I'm not trying to be a chauvinist, but there aren't
any good female serial killers. Just another example of how
far there still is to go for gender equality.
I can't think of anything to write, so I'll just repost a random spiel
from long ago.
I had a flat tire this morning. Frameo gave me
his car so I wouldn't have to change the tire before work. I
went to McDonald's before work and guess what I saw. The car in
front of me was full of high school boys and a rather large dildo was
wedged purposely in the passenger side door window. It wasn't like one a
woman might buy to actually masturbate with or a couple might use for
foreplay, but one that was grotesquely large and veiny. It was just
giving me a cycloptic glare. I wondered which one of them bought it
and what it said about a group of boys parading it around. I know
when I was in high school, I wanted nothing to do with large cocks.
Maybe the sexual revolution has come around far enough for it to be
acceptable and maybe I am old fashioned.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Guilty feet have got no rhythm."- Wham