Monkey Of The Week
Denver Nuggets Potpourri
My Survivor Application
My Ex-Boss/Friend Johanna and Jackie Please
Since his dirty spiel on tanlines was rejected, Cafiero
wrote us a poem about some of his friends:
Some Sigs by Mark Cafiero
Tall and lenky, he's got a big smile
Crazy fella I haven't seen in a while
Once he had a Cherokee, that got in a big crash
This sig I talk about, his name is Ash.
His buddy is less tall, but just as rich.
Dated a Hooter Girl who made my tent pitch.
When something goes wrong, there's only one man to blame...
Give it up, for my main man, Craig Frame.
Next a little shorter, but could pass as my bro
His signature Disco outfit came complete with a fro.
Won't think before he speaks - that's pretty bold
But he's allowed, 'cause he's Ryan Arnold
Another guy, real smart and clever
Will probably be making movies forever and ever
Got a house, job and a nice girl - has lots of good luck
A funny guy with his shit together, I give you Matt Struck.
This next fella you all know very well
Has a funny web site, people like it, I can tell.
Tall, thin, with a double chin, who could it be?
All props in tha house go to my man, Danny-D.
Now here's a guy who loves chili dogs
When he's done, will spend 13 hours sawing some logs
Loves the Simpsons, and South park, too
Karl Geib is the man who ya can't call a foo.
Some Sigs, by Mark Cafiero
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "There's a thing called a
barf cannon? And why don't fraternities have them?"- Conan O'Brien.
me a spiel, and needless to say it was inappropriate for a family oriented
site like this. It had to do with naturally dark women and he
questioned whether they tanned darker than they naturally were.
Attached to this question was a picture of 2 naturally dark naked women
with tan lines. I promptly discarded the email after saving the
picture to my hard drive. It was obscene and disgusting.
just finished reading the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy and just started the
3rd book in the Dune prequels. I have just now realized I am a
sci-fi dork. Some people may say, "we knew you were a
dork, we could have told you that". But sometimes you are the
last to know, and I only found out when I tripped some peyote and went on
a trip of self discovery the American Indians call a "vision
quest". But honestly, the funniest conversation I ever heard
took place a couple of weeks ago at work when the Civil War re-enactor and
the Sci-fi fans argued over who were the bigger nerds.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "I've always thought that underpopulated countries
in Africa are vastly underpolluted."- Lawrence Summers, chief
economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes
to Third World countries.
Public Enemy is coming in
concert and I am excited. My friend Phil Ferreira once described
them as "that group that hates white people". I had to
break it to Phil that it wasn't white people, just him. But Phil
also believes Rush Limbaugh is a whiny liberal so you can see where he is
coming from. I digress. Many of my Ritz Cracka friends will be
going and we really cannot wait to kick it and be down. Stupid Dope
I think my new years resolution will be to learn how to juggle. Its
something that I have started many times and have not had the strength of
character to see through. I'll stand there and maybe get through 5
items when I will inevitably drop one. Then I have to bend over and
pick it up, thus causing stress on my lower back. After doing this a
couple times I am a hurtin' unit. Maybe if I can get someone to be
my picker-upper I would be more resolute, kind of like a spotter in weight
lifting (those weights are heavy.). I could just make the new years
resolution to stop trying and failing to learn how to juggle, but the
chicks dig it.
|QUOTE OF THE
enemy could be their friend, gaurdian
I'm not a hooligan
I rock the party and
clear all the madness
I'm not a racist
preach and teach to all
'cause some they never had this."- Public Enemy, Don't Believe
All honor to their
Don Adams, Fairleigh Dickinson 1995
Terence Adderley, Vanderbilt 2001
Kevin Cleary, Wisconsin–Madison 1985
Keith Coleman, Bucknell 1990
John Hart, Wisconsin 1983
Aram Iskenderian, Rochester 1982
Glenn D. Kirwin, Virginia 1982
Stephen LaMantia, Roanoke 1985
Todd Pelino, Colgate 1989
David Retik, Colgate 1990
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Sure
I wave the American flag. Do you know a better flag to wave? Sure I love
my country with all her faults. I'm not ashamed of that, never have been,
never will be."- John Wayne.
tells us things:
I hate grouchy people. I was running a local trail the other day
training partner, Barley (I call him Barney). He's the funniest,
golden retriever in the world. He always goes out too hard though
gets burned out before we summit. The fool. I try to tell him,
Anyway, Barney ran ahead as
usual, and then I eventually caught up to him.
He was walking behind a nice looking woman... then the woman snaps at me,
"you need to control your dog! blah blah blah". I called
Barney away from
her and said "sorry" to make her happy. She responded by
L:AW!". I told her to relax. You never tell women to
relax. It doesn't
work. In fact it does the opposite. Now she's yelling all
sorts of jibba
jabba at me as I run ahead of her. I yelled back, "You are
ears!". She then yelled even more. Poor Barney. He
I saw the woman again as I was running back down. I thought she was
to yell some more. To my surprise she stopped me and apologized.
she was just "having a bad day". She was almost crying!
I wasn't going
to fall for her fake sympathy. I told her to shove it, then I kicked
on her and started running again. Haha just kidding. Bless her
heart, it's nice when grumpy people can realize that grumpiness does no
good. Maybe there's hope for her.
I am sure all of Dan's three readers are dying to know how my Pike's Peak
Marathon went (haha right). I ran that bitch and it hurt... a lot.
Here's a picture of me at the turnaround point. I happily stopped
for the photo shoot! It was about 14,110 feet and I had just run 13
miles. Took me 4 hours, which is supposedly equal to what I would do
flatland marathon, PLUS 30 minutes! I still had 13 (painful) miles
All my non-runner friends told me the descent should be a piece of cake.
I want to slap them when they say that. It was by far more painful
the Ascent. The fools! Makes me MAD. It was fun to
see people puking
their guts out after tree line, and some fools ran out of control on the
descent and took big spills. Many were removed from the course.
guess I was just glad to finish. I wore gloves because I was
so sure I'd
fall going down.
The massage therapist at the finish line accepted my request for an erotic
massage. The other runners and their families were staring.
They were so
is the route Cafiero ran.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Arnie [Palmer], usually a great putter, seems
to be hyaving trouble with his long putt. However he has no trouble
dropping his shorts."- Golf Broadcaster on air during a
Notice there are no club
songs that get men to rush the dance floor? With women, if the floor
is empty, the DJ can pick from any number of songs to get the chicks
going. For instance, We Are Family, Summer Lovin', are just a couple
of the jams that will make the girls stop talking, squeal in each other's
faces, drag each other on the dance floor and use their thumbs as mic's
and sing. There are plenty of songs that clear the men off the dance
floor. Except the ones really workin' overtime to get some puss,
they'll stay at all costs. Even through Dancing Queen.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "A tax on leather would press heavily on the
barefooted peasantry of Ireland.
Cooking has been a family
tradition of ours for a long-ass time. And it's
usually the men in the family who do most of it. I like to invent my
meals - so did my grandfather. He used to make a special breakfast
called the "Hoinken Doinken". Man, what a tasty treat this
was. It was
very creative. He'd cook an egg sunny side up and make toast.
secret, however, is in the middle of the toast, he would take a small
glass and press the rim against the toast, right in the middle, punching
out a yolk-sized hole. He would then proceed to place the toast over
egg, with the hole over the yolk. It's not over yet... before making
Hoinken Doinken, he would put a number on the bottom of the plate.
must eat all of your breakfast, or you can't look for the number.
you get the number, he looks at his surprise list and finds a match.
have always been suspicious that the "list" is phony and he only
surprise, because it never changes: a little bag of M&M's.
I sure love
I made my own omelette called the "Back Seat Omelette".
Basically, I make
an omelette and organize it, using toast halves to make it resemble that
of a back seat of a car. Another one of my favorites, I call the
'em, Shove 'em"... I invented this when I was 13 years old and I
"Love'em" haha. Basically, it's a breakfast burrito,
but a little more
Please, come to my home. I will make you breakfast.
QUOTE OF THE DAY-
"Nobody can influence me. Nobody at all. And a woman
still less."- Former Shah of Iran
I've notice that married
couples have to deal with dating other married couples. When married
couples start hanging out, there is a courtship period. I think that
usually the women know each other and try to make their husbands hang out,
because guys generally don't want their wives hanging out with their
friends. It's like the husbands are being set up. At first
everything goes well because you don't want to be rude. The next
period is crucial, after the couples honeymoon period. They start to
notice each others little quirks, who gets loud and obnoxious when they
drink, etc. Then one of the participants finally makes the decision
on whether they will continue the dating of the other married
couple. If they wish to cease hanging out with the other couple then
the wife must make excuses on why the spouse can not make it
anymore. Or they continue dating and finally an affair starts, kind
of making a secret 3rd couple, and they explain it away to their spouses
that they are great friends and its not weird they hang out. Since
I'm not married, this is pure conjecture, and perhaps incorrect. Let
it me noted, however, that I am never wrong.
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Life its own self, as Dan Jenkins said. Life
its own self. Figure that one out, Norm. But what it means is,
I have a lot to learn from President Reagan."- George Bush, at the
beginning of his presidency, when asked whether he was getting advice from
Here is a spiel by Paul
Ernuni from Iowa, who I have never met.
I am sorry I chased off Helpful, I did not mean to be mean. ( I love
using the same word in the same sentence twice with different
Obviously there was a communication breakdown and obviously she
got scared and ceased her communiqué to me through this site. (That
I used 'obviously' twice in the same sentence but it meant the same
each time.) I have noticed that women in relationships, even as
the one Helpful and I had, tend to run scared when the going gets
I really wanted to grow with Helpful and make some sense of this
crazy world together. There was an unspoken bond between us, and
wanted to speak it. Constructive criticism is hard take, especially
those you care about, and those who care about you, i.e. me. I
were being harsh to Dan and I had to rebuke you. I didn't want to do
that way. (There's the same word twice in the same sentence again!)
I am sorry,
but sometimes a sledgehammer to the head is better than a hammer to the
I want to take this opportunity to invite Helpful back, because I miss you
Garfunkel misses Simon.
(Editors Note- Um, thanks Paul, that was pretty weird, but
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "Where
would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years, with time off
for good behavior?"- New York State Senator James H. Donovan on
I am pleased to start
September off with another guest spiel by my friend Ed.
Nothing upsets me more than people coming up and asking "What are you
eating?" This is generally followed by some sort of puppy-eyed
says "Can I have some?" Well I'm here to say Fuck No!
Don't take that the
wrong way. You should take it the same way that you take your Mangy
growls; when you screw with his bowl when he is eating. Also, if you
happen to like what I choose to eat you can take your wrinkled nose, stick
it, and leave me with my food.
People in general have know god damn grace when it comes to leaving other
people alone. Don't stare at other people in the restaurant, don't
on their food, or ask them how it is. The wait staff is there to
of your questions about the daily special, their favorite meal, or what
domestic piss beer goes best with your BLT. Give it a rest folks and
off your damn cell phones in restaurants, at the movies, and especially at
sporting events. Your family doesn't want to see you, at home or on
that is why you are at the baseball game.
Excellent spiel by Stainsworth, but her picture begs the question
see you on Sorority Life?" (Editors Note- Sainsworth is
not a sorority girl,
she only plays one on my stupid website.)
P.S. Go Broncos!
QUOTE OF THE DAY- "What really causes marital abuse is small
families. If all women had a lot of brothers, this would never take
place."- Charles Poncy, Iowa State Representative.